and I don't know exactly why. I know some of it is disappointment at not being able to see my dog and some of it is leftovers from the steroids, but that doesn't seem like all of it. I just want to curl up somewhere and disappear. I can't go inpatient because then I'll miss too many of my Catholic education classes and I won't be baptized this Easter. I just have to hold out until Easter and then everything can go to Hades as much as it wants. I just don't want to wait yet another year to be baptized. I don't normally talk about religion, because I believe it's a private matter, but it's also the reason I'm stuck right now. I probably do need to be inpatient, at least for a while, but I can't go because of my other obligations. I just want to disappear for a while, just not have to deal with reality for a while. I can't get my sleep schedule back on something reasonable. Right now I'm sleeping entirely too much. I'm normally asleep by now and I don't get up until noon or so, meaning 12+ hours of sleep a day. I talked to my pdoc about it and she agreed that I am severely depressed. She didn't want to mess with my meds because it's taken so long to find a combination that works as well as what I'm on right now. I wish she had prescribed something for anxiety, but she didn't see a need to, with as much as I'm sleeping. As far as going inpatient, I can wait out the depression just as easily on the outside as I could inpatient. I just wouldn't have access to means to harm myself. I just want to feel better. Is that really so much to ask?
Okay rant over.
Okay rant over.
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