Sitting here in my dark and lonely room tonight I cant help but let past demons and ugly thoughts creep into my mind. Im feeling pretty damn lonely and worthless. I want to cry, to let off some steam, but the tears wont come. I dont know why. Maybe Im so plugged up with this constant shit on my mind that I'm unable to show any sort of emotion. Prob sounds pretty lame huh? I feel like just another dot on the map. Just another 1 out of 7 billion. I dont know why Im here writing this. I have nothing important to say. Im sure everyone has heard this all before from some other poor sap who's in the same boat as me. It sucks. Honest. My life feels bland and unimportant. It's like we're all running in circles. Useless circles. We jump over one hurdle just to make it to another one. I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of feeling this enormous ball of pain and tears in my throat everyday/all day. I dont want to talk to anyone about it. All I'd get is a prescription and a push out the door. No matter how many times I say this, it just doesnt come out right. I dont think there is a single word in the human language that can describe just how I feel. Its not like a seasonal this. Or something that comes and goes with time. Its something Ive felt since I could walk. I try and plug it up with useless voids like food or friends or nice things, but of course it doesnt work. Its like I was made by mistake. Not really meant to be here. Nobody even asked me if I wanted to have a life. If I had had a choice, I would have said no. Im sorry this is long and pointless. Enjoy your night everyone. Ill surely be enjoying mine. Think Im off to bed now. No sense in being awake for nothing.
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