Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
Im haveing a real tuff time trying to keep myself from giveing up and just ending it! Lately Ive tried to reach out for help but I seem to find none. I am adopted and my A-parents want nothing to do with me and I feel pretty much alone in this world. Everyone seems to think that liveing in my shoes is much simpler than it is. Maybe I just make things difficult on myself but I dont know how to make them simpler. My mind always seems to want to take the quick way out and at times I feel like that seems to be the best answer to my problems. Yes I do understand our problems are only as big as we make them but I cant seem to get it through my head that things really dont have to be as bad as I think they are. I understand my issues and the reasonings behind why I feel the way I do but my mind wont allow me to be OK with how my life is.
My adoption always gets the best of me and those abandonment issues will not leave me alone. I want to go on with my life but I cant seem to let the past go and allow my future to progress.
My A-parents are so negative towards me and honestly I feel like there noone in the world that truely cares how I feel and at the same time I feel so selfish for feeling this way cause I have a 10 year old daughter who needs me in this world and I know what it would do to her if I ever decided to end things.
I have felt like this for the longest time. Ever since I can recall Ive always felt like just dissapearing. I dont feel like I have anything to contribute to this world and I fear Im going to end up liveing life like it is. I can see no end to the pain I feel inside and I think everyone thinks Im just an ungreatful piece of sh*t.
The other day my a-dad and I argued about how much he feels he has done for me and that he gave me everything I needed in life to be a functional member of society. then he went on to say that I am an adult now and I should just get over my adoption. He is deep into his alcoholism and I do understand fully that he is blinded by that fact. He seems to think because we took vacations together that that should have been enough for me as a child to develope into an adult.
Then I replied back by saying if he even knew how I felt back then. I asked if my A-mom ever told him the times I would tell her I wished I was dead and never came over here from Korea. Of course he had no idea.
I do not speak to my a-mom anymore because of how she treats my daughter. I truely do not have anyone to fall back on.
I dont know what else to do about this pain that controls my life anymore. I just want it to end!!!
My adoption always gets the best of me and those abandonment issues will not leave me alone. I want to go on with my life but I cant seem to let the past go and allow my future to progress.
My A-parents are so negative towards me and honestly I feel like there noone in the world that truely cares how I feel and at the same time I feel so selfish for feeling this way cause I have a 10 year old daughter who needs me in this world and I know what it would do to her if I ever decided to end things.
I have felt like this for the longest time. Ever since I can recall Ive always felt like just dissapearing. I dont feel like I have anything to contribute to this world and I fear Im going to end up liveing life like it is. I can see no end to the pain I feel inside and I think everyone thinks Im just an ungreatful piece of sh*t.
The other day my a-dad and I argued about how much he feels he has done for me and that he gave me everything I needed in life to be a functional member of society. then he went on to say that I am an adult now and I should just get over my adoption. He is deep into his alcoholism and I do understand fully that he is blinded by that fact. He seems to think because we took vacations together that that should have been enough for me as a child to develope into an adult.
Then I replied back by saying if he even knew how I felt back then. I asked if my A-mom ever told him the times I would tell her I wished I was dead and never came over here from Korea. Of course he had no idea.
I do not speak to my a-mom anymore because of how she treats my daughter. I truely do not have anyone to fall back on.
I dont know what else to do about this pain that controls my life anymore. I just want it to end!!!
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
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My ENT sent me for more tests last week...one where they had me lie back in a chair, with blacked out goggles on so I couldn't see while they administered water into my ears one at a time ( first warm, then room-tempurature, then cold) while they video taped my eyes and asked me questions to determine how cognizant I was... This test went HORRIBLY. They were about 20 seconds or so into...
The easy road isn't the best. When thinking back on my best times in my life are when I had the greatest obstacles and I overcame them.
Hold on & chat with us. When you get past this, you can look back in pride at how much you have overcome.
You must know that you have to live for your daughter, you wouldn't want her to feel your pain and more, knowing that her Daddy killed himself.
How would she feel?
{{hugs}}
You made a good decision in coming over to DS. There are a lot of supportive and helpful people here.
(((HUGS))).
I suffer from powerful feelings of abandonment, too, even though I was a very independent person growing up (feel free to read my profile/ journal)---alcoholic parents, and parents with other issues can often damage us more than we realize, and it can definitely cause more pain later on as adults...sometimes much moreso than when we're kids.
I had to learn the hard way That very often family will not provide you with the kind of love & acceptance and comfort that we require and crave. It sounds like they're nowhere near being able to help in a situation like major depression, especially. Try not to hold it against them...it is miraculous that trained professionals can help out as much as do.
Please don't be hard on yourself...please realize that is the depression making you feel that way, and there's probably not much of a basis for it otherwise.
DS can help alot...it's helped me put my thoughts in order, and it's been therapeutic knowing I'm not alone in the way I feel. I'd be happy to talk anytime.