having family problems again. sounds like no big deal right? well maybe im just over reacting. we were watching TV just now. My sisters started arguing over something pointless. Got out of hand. I was trying to watch my favourite programme. I told her to be quiet, she went to punch me, as is her way. When people move suddenly like that, especially when I know they have violent intent, it freaks me out, and I lash out. So I hit her back. How low am I, to hit an 11 year old? I'm 19 years old for goodness sake. But even after all these years it still freaks me out, people coming at me like that. I suppose it would with everything thats happened. So my mum reacted in an equally mature way, glaring at me, storming out of the room and slamming the door so hard it practically came off its hinges. Refusing to come back in. She said it was both of us but I know she meant me. I missed the programme, not that it matters much. But I'm just upset. I've spent the entire day with my sister who went to hit me, taking her to the cinema so she wouldnt feel left out because it was my other sisters birthday party. Looking after her when she fell over and cut her knee. I love them so much but I've been looking after the both of them since I was about 6. Do I just have to because I'm the oldest? I sacrificed everything for my family. More than they will ever know. It eventually drove me crazy. Literally. But what do I get in return? Punches, slammed doors and glares. I feel mean because I told my sister she ruins everything. She doesnt and I love her (the both of them) more than they will ever know. Maybe I'm just a neurotic, immature baby who over reacts to everything. I dont know. I dont know what I am. I just know this turbulence is driving me crazy.
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