Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

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deleted_user 12/26/2006

Hi there,

I have joined this community in hopes of finding help, or just some advice on how to deal with things.

I think I have always been depressed in some way shape or form. I am 24 years, I have a 7 years old son who will be 8 before I am 25. I love my son alot.His father left me while I was pregnant and has been a deadbeat since.
My mother has bipolar disorder, and i have had to deal with her highs and lows all my life. My father physically abused me as a child and is kinda emotionally distant. He cheated on my mother and left her when I was 11. I moved in with my father when I was 13 because my mother was to unstable to raise me and my sister .

I mean I love them but I feel like it it their fault I am the way I am today.

I am currently and have been feeling very depressed for almost 9 months. It is not subsiding. Sometimes it is really bad.

My current situation is dreadful. I started dating Kyle in March of 2003. We were so great together and we loved one another and he was a great father figure for my son and my son truely adored him. It was very nice. We moved in together in July of 2004. Our relationship remained great for a while after, but after almost a year of living together things started to change. We moved out of our apartment into a downstairs of a house in July of 2005. Our relationship was strained and we didnt spend much quality time together. I rescue lots of animals and had been bringing them home, and while Kyle loved them he didnt really care for cleaning the messes and often we fought over that. We had too many and he would constantly get on me about it, and while I understood his pov, I resented him for getting mad at me and fighting with me about it. We fought alot and we stopped having sex for months. Our relationship ended up being like friends instead of a couple. I still loved him though and he loved me. I started feeling so lonely and depressed.I would put alot of the burden on him, cleaning, having him do my sons homework...I just felt so energeyless.

I made the hugest mistake of my life though. There was a co-worker at my job who was fun to be around and we started connecting on a friendship level in Jan. of 2006. I started confiding to him all of my problems and he liked me. I started talking with and and occasionally hanging out with him without my boyfriends knowledge. I actually felt like someone cared and I was caught by my boyfriend. He found a letter I had wrote him. I never physically cheated on him, but it was close enough I guess by emotionally connecting to someone else. Kyle moved out of our home on April 21, 2006 and I have been a wreck since. I started dating the other guy soon after because I couldnt bare the pain of being alone and I needed something to occupy my life.
It is now december 26, 2006 and I am still thinking about my ex day and night. I miss him like crazy and I want him back but he is very distant with me. We occasionally email one another but he rarely writes back and when he does he avoids answering anything I have asked pertaining to see him or about us. I have saw him only about 3 times since he moved out and I cried like a baby each time. He says he just doesnt think he could be with me again. I want to prove to him that I have changed and how sorry I am but I feel so hopeless.
I cry often over him and I feel so horrible for all the things I did and how I ruined our relationship over my stupidity. I ruined our family. I loved his family alot, and my family loved him. Why did I do such a stupid thing!!!??

This has had me feeling so horrible for so long. I want him back but I dont know how to. He was a really good person, and I ruined it.

deleted_user 12/26/2006

Hi Missy, I am new here by about 10 days since joining. I feel your heart pouring out for the love of this man, and I truely can relate to you also. I just know that coming here is a good start and there are many who share our feelings and thoughts. Good Luck on your relationship and welcome.

Nic

deleted_user 12/26/2006

Hey missy: your situation sounds like my life all over again.. I would like to respond to you because I am 45 and I was u a long time ago.. I understand your situation and would love to share some experience and wisdom with u.. My sons father walked out on me when I was 3 months pregnant.. just chose to walk away from me..I raised my son alone for 19 years. My sons father nevered looked back and it has affected my life in every relationship since..I come from alcoholic parents and a lifetime of abuse.. never had any real self esteem because of it..I never gave up..although deeply depressed and anxious.. just put one foot in front of the other.. challenges after challenges.. lost my home in a fire when my son was 11.. As a single mom I thought I would never recover from that loss as well.. lost every picture of family.. lost all things my son made for me.. lost all my hard worked belongings.. no income from his dad.. lost my soul.. from there life just kept repeating more hurdles.. my fiance just left me after 6 years and ran off and married a friend and took her on my honeymoon.. after I raised his children with him.. Depressing Right.. but the moral to my story is LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO TRY TO FIX IT.. you dont have any control over tommorrow.. BUT YOU CAN HAVE TODAY.. SMILE.. PAT YOURSELF ON THE BACK..teach your son to love himself and women now and always.. we are in charge of our lives.. we are the drivers of our car.. we follow the map.. You have to forgive yourself for turning to someone else for comfort and change your mistakes.. change your future for the better for you and your son..It will be worth it in the future for you both.. Hang on to the good stuff, flush down the bad. Im not preaching.. I Care..

deleted_user 12/26/2006

Hi Missy, I am new to this community, today is my first day. I\'ve been through some tough relationships myself, it\'s tough losing someone you care and love. I think Singlemom1 put it very well, focus on what you can do today, but I\'ll add to never stop thinking about tomorrow. Hope is a good thing! Live on and move on!! :)

deleted_user 12/27/2006

I\'m new here but just want to say write anytime. I\'ve been dealing with what I consider to be a life destroying breakup for ten years now. I wish happy sarcasim relayed better through writing. I\'m also an animal lover with way too many animals but they mostly keep my husband and I together as he is a huge animal lover as well. But! That doesn\'t keep him from bringing up the smell of the kitty litter when we are arguing. I hate that. If I never heard one more word about kitty litter again in my life I would be a happier person! Well, we\'re working on it anyway. So write me if you feel so inclined, anytime!

deleted_user 12/27/2006

Maybe one reason your relationship started to go downhill was that you were depressed. Is that possible? The best thing you can do right now is get some help for your depression. That way you get healthier whether or not you get back with your boyfriend. If he sees you healthy he may re-think his rejections of you. And, who knows? You may no longer be interested in him.

deleted_user 12/27/2006

Lack of energy. No interest in sex. Withdrawal from loved ones. Feeling too much. I relate to all of these symptoms. The worse the feelings get, the more it effects your life, the worse the feelings get...it\'s an endless cycle. You should definitely get treatment. I found it impossible to manage my life without it. This comes from someone who was until just recently feeling all of the things you are. It feels like there is no hope, but there is. Oh, the wonders of modern medicine! Once you are feeling better and making better deciscions it will snowball and that is a much better cycle than the one you are in.

deleted_user 12/27/2006

wow, thanks so much for the story. I feel so bad for all that has happened to you. While I dealt with heartaches for over a year after my son was born over his father, I eventually got over it as I am sure you did, but the effects of his actions stayed with me I suppose. I endured a few shitty relationships afterward, but when I met Kyle things really started looking up for me. Kyle had goals and dreams and was going to college and was a truely stand up guy. I cant believe it is over between us still. It just seems so final. For 3 years he was with me...we saw one another every day, then all of a sudden i dont see him or talk with him anymore overnight. Rushing into to the relationship with the other guy was the worst thing I did. I never gave my self time to think or heal. I let him move in with me and he is still living here with me but I am not happy with him. I dont know how to deal with all of this. I cant really talk with my parents because it is just not that way with us, although I wish it was. I mean they know I miss Kyle but they dont know the extent of it.

deleted_user 12/27/2006

That response was to singlemom1, but I also wanted to thank all of you who did respond. I know I am depressed, and I would really like to get a counselor or a therapist, but I have no medical insurance, and definately cant afford to pay for one. So thats why I am here I suppose.

I keep thinking about all of the good times me and Kyle once had, I dreamed I would marry him for the longest time, I just dont understand how things changed, mostly my fault I know. I was the idiot. Now all I want to do is mend things with him and work on getting our family back together but he doesnt really talk to me. I know he still cares about me, but he is basically over us.

Does anyone know how I can mend things and get him to see how I feel?? I know thats a stupid question because everyone is different. I just cant stand the way I feel over this. Crying to sad songs is not the way i want to be lol.Im sure you all know what i am talking about there.

I just feel like my life sucks....I work so much, rarely have any fun, very unhappy with my current situation. I see no end to it either.

deleted_user 12/27/2006

Missy, sounds like you\'re fixsaded on him. Maybe you need to do what many people do when they break up with someone.. find a rebound. You said Kyle still care, which I am sure he probably does, but from a man\'s point of view, just another way to let you down easy so he doesn\'t feel guilty about it. Sometime when a man wants to break up with their GF or Wife, very seldom they come out and say \"It\'s not working out, I am out!\".. generally leads to cheating or dragggg on until an opportunity or \"you\" decide to call it quit. I think once you find another person who you can reconnect with, Kyle will slowly fade out of your mind. Keep your chin up! Go out and have some fun! Go work out! Take your kid to the amusement park! Have fun fun fun!!! :)

deleted_user 12/28/2006

I really feel for you! This guilt you\'re experiencing is uncalled for. You have done NOTHING wrong. We need emotional connections with other people and you obviously weren\'t getting that in your previous situation. I really hope you can find happiness inside yourself. You can be happy!!!!

deleted_user 03/25/2008

I'm

deleted_user 03/25/2008

I feel your pain in this post hun some men are just not nice hun and i am so sorry about your mum and dad where not there whan you was young there is lot of people on here that will help you hun and i hope you feel better soon hun. If you would like chat hun i am here for you and so is eveyone else hun you are not alone hun ok xoxox

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