My husband lost his mother to cancer three years ago at the age of 21. She had battled the disease for nearly 10 years, after being diagnosed when he was 11, and died at home on May 18, 2004. The doctors gave her 6 months to live and obviously she proved them wrong. After years of her disease going back and forth on her health, and playing mind games with her children, my husband never really believed his mother would die, just get sick and then get better again. When the inevitable actually happened, it was a complete shock to his system. It happened rather quickly, at a point when my husband felt she was just going through a "down period", and would get better again. My husband has suffered from manic depression for many years, probably brought on by the thought of his mother dying from the time he was a small child. In the past he tried many medications that didnt work with him, only made him moody and gave him suicidal thoughts, and counseling attempts that were futile because he refused to talk. He never properly grieved over his mothers loss, just pushed it down inside himself like he does with everything. After all these years he is still having an extremely difficult time dealing with her loss. He very rarely will discuss it with me, and refuses to talk about it with ANYBODY else, including his sister. He is completely against counseling or medication, and pretends to those not close to him and our family doctor, that he doesnt have depression. He has so many emotional issues from her death, but his biggest, as far as I can tell, is regret. She never got to see him make something of himself, get married, or start a family, and he feels he distanced himeself from her in the end, and didnt spend enough time with her or helped her. I try to talk with him about it, and let him know its ok to cry, to talk about her, to talk to her, to get angry, but he very often blows me off, and refuses to discuss the matter stating its something he and he alone must deal with. I know it helps for him to discuss it though, because when ever he allows me to bring the subject up, we have a good talk, and cry and he says he likes those moments. I dont know how to help him with this loss or his depression because he is so difficult, what should I do?
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