I'm trying to do the right thing and share with people who understand and can support me! Two wks ago I was in AZ visiting my son who is in prison-been almost 5 yr since we've seen each other! We shared, talked, laughed and cried and now that we've reconnected, I miss him terribly!! He told me that my daughter, from whom I've been estranged for 10 yr is now married so I was not with her on her "big" day-really hurts! Things would have been so different for the three of us if I did not have this damn illness and could have been ther for them-pile on guilt! And I suffer from chronic pain-fibro, arthritis, ddd, protruding discs and undiagnosed shoulder and neck pain. I see a pain doc who won't give me pain meds so I've been sparingly using percocet that my first doc prescribed. Until today-I've been popping percocet and vicodin for the last several hours-no idea how many I've taken but too many I'm sure! Hasn't helped the shoulder pain at all. And I'm ready to cut to relieve the guilt and emotional pain and put the physical pain somewhere where I can see the injury and fix it! Make any sense? I know this would hurt my son, that inflicting pain to not feel pain elsewhere sounds senseless and all the acetaminophen I've ingested could damage my liver. Right now, I don't care! Does anyone else out there know what I'm goin through? Understand where I am? How do you get thru it, what helps? Help me, please! I have the razor in my hand and the pills in the next room-I just don't want to feel!!!!!!!!
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