Last night, after I smoked a bowl or two, I decided that I need to quit smoking, at least for a few months so I can pass drug tests and get another job so I can move out. I already have an apartment in sights and all I need is somebody who will co-sign the lease since I'm not 18 yet. I already talked to my dad, and he's glad I'm trying to get out, and he's been a lot more lax about me lately. It seems like he wants me out of his house...dunno why, but I'm glad that he's being nicer. Anyways...the goal is to stay clean for the whole month of October, since it's the first today. I have 30 days to go without smoking. I hope I can do it....it's gonna be really hard. But I need to be able to pass a drug test so I can get a better paying job so I can pay rent and bills and have food and stuff....it's gonna be hard. I still wonder if I should just give up instead. It seems so much easier to do.....rather than deal with all this shit every day. I need some AD's because I know they would help me so much....I'm so desperate to get some meds for this crap, something to treat the anxiety and depression and panic attacks and the sleepless nights. How am I going to get all that fixed? Just because I move out doesn't mean all that's just going to magically disappear. It will still be there, just as bad as it is now, maybe worse. I need meds for my life to be better, truly. I just don't know how I'm going to get them, much less pay for them on top of every thing else I have to pay for.....whew....I don't know what to do...I feel a panic attack coming on now....what the hell do I do???
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