I can't stand myself right now, I just want to stop everything and step outside of myself for just awhile. Can't stop thinking about all the crap in my life and all the bad stuff that's happened and how bleak the future looks right now. Still grieving for my mom who passed away almost 2 years ago. Two years ago...you'd think I'd be over it by now. But I'm stuck. And the depression and the grieving and the nightmares and the insomnia. Having to push away again thoughts of cutting and suicide. I have nightmares of ending up back in the psych ward. I'm seriously overweight and having to deal with all the physical and emotional issues that come with that. And to top it all off I was sexually assualted over 10 years ago and in recent months I have been having constant nightmares and flashbacks of it. I can't take it anymore. I'm jobless, I have no money, can't mentally convince myself to get back to work. I just don't know what to do with myself. I just want all the bad stuff to go away. Ahhhhh I just want to kick and scream until I feel better. I get so angry sometimes, for no reason at all. What the hell is wrong with me????????? My mood goes from depressed to anxious to sad to enraged. But the only emotion I ever let anyone see is the depression. Nobody else knows I still feel all the other stuff. I want to feel like I normal person for once. I just can't seem to get myself back on the right track. No matter how hard I try.
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