i suffered from depression many years ago and was very lost and took out my anger by cutting myself. when i finally got over it i was very happy and i made a new set of friends and i was on top of the world and loved my life. at the end of my senior year of high school i began going out with someone who completely changed my life. him and my best friends did not get along and a lot of problems developed between them and my bf. till this day i have a had a lot of anger towards him and take shit out on him all the time bc he ripped away the greatest people that ever happened to me (i no i blame him when i could have stopped it and i regret not stopping it but i cant help but take my anger and rage out on him). then for over a year it was jsut me and him and i dedicated my life to him bc he was all i had since i drove everything else away. in the begining we got along very well but it got to the point we fought alot bc i was so miserable at how much i had allowed him to change me and i wasnt happy but i couldnt break up with him or i would have no one else and it was all my fault but i still took it out on him. come sophmore year of college i decided to join a sorority and it was very time consuming and instead of taking advantage of the idea of being able to become friends with 60 amazing girls i constantly ran home to hang out with him. after i finished pledging my soroity he decided to join a frat and unlike me he didnt run home to hang out with me instead he constantly hung out wiht his new friends and i jsut have developed an unbearable amount of anger toward him bc hes ruined everything that was good in my life and now he's living the life i wish i had and dont have and it drives me fucking crazy. ontop of all this school stresses me out horribly and makes everything worse. we broke up about a week ago and im not handling it well. i could tell i was having some issues with depression prior to our break up and now they are more severe and i think its bc i lost the only stable thing in my life. as much as i no we needed to break up bc of the constant fighting its killing me not knowing where my life is going. im very sad and im very confused and at times i just wish i could die. i hate feeling this way and i no i need help i just dont no what to do anymore. i just want to be fucked up on alcohol and weed all the time i dont want to do my school work and im struggling a great deal. i really think that by talking to someone i will feel a little better bc i can get some things off my chest bc i dont tell anyone anything. i really hope someone can give me a chance and talks to me and help me through this rough time bc im going crazy and i dont no what to do. i hate crying all the time and always being sad. please post me back.
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