the first time i tried suicide iwas six-drank gasoline. far from the last, i'm afraid.i have been in double-diget hospitals for everything from anorexia, depression, panic disorder, suicide attemts, alchol withdrawel,seizures from either drugs or alcohol- i have self-medicated since birth, it seems, was molested as child- alcoholic father, disinterested, emtionally and verbally abusive mother. first raped at knifepoint (a few cigarette ; the last time was 7 years ago and i was abducted, taken to an abandoned house for 2 days and repeatedly raped. too many men to count. i managed a good case of hep b from that. i haven't much of a support system. my brother was but he is now dead by his own hand. of course, i also have ptsd and some agorophobia.i don't have any interest in whether i live or die. makes no difference to me. i am lonely and life- is this not hell or i am mistaken? getting sober did no good and one cannot sleep 24/7 though i would like to. i am in crisis, have no insurance (got laid off with 4,000 others). i have no answers and no solutions and the pain is unbearable. can i get someone who can lift me off these knees of mine? thank you.oh, i have tried many anti-depressants but none had the desired effect of causing me to feel better, a wanting to inhabit this world.
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