
Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

deleted_user
I am a new member, and although I do not have depression myself, I came here in hopes of getting advice on how to deal with a partner with depression. My boyfriend has had depression most of his life, and although at first it wasn't affecting our relationship, it is now. He often is so down that I try all that I can to cheer him up. I am aware that this isn't going to fix his problem by any means, but I am always by his side and comforting him when he is down or upset. My problem is this. Lately he has been so negative and pessimistic about everything that it wears on me big time. I have naturally been a pessimistic person and it always helps to have people near me who think positive, but now I am close to someone who just ends up making me feel negatively about things. Also, I feel that he is so down all the time, and although I help him constantly, that my feelings often times are ignored. I know he doesn't mean to, but I will let him tell me how terrible his day was, I will spend a great deal of time telling him all the positive sides to all of it and making sure he is ok. Then when it is my turn to bring up something that has been bothering me or that I am upset about, he just says "oh I'm sorry" or "that sucks" and doesn't ever comfort me or try to make me feel better. He also has a mild form of OCD induced by severe stress. He spends so much of his time cleaning, organizing and making sure everything he needs to get done is done before he can attempt to relax or see how I am doing. Sometimes I will bring up something that has upset me, he will put those things first before me. I know he can't help it, but it just makes him seem so selfish. And my feelings are often ignored. I brought this up to him that I felt my feelings were being ignored and he just got defensive and told me I am just wanting to start arguments and that I am just unsatisfiable. What can or should I do?

deleted_user
not go down with him!!!!! dont try to lift him up or cheer him up, just try to be as understanding as possible.

deleted_user
what a lucky guy to have so much support from you. All i can say is you do deserve to have your needs met as well. I would have another talk with him. Tell him that you need reasurance to.

deleted_user
Thanks for all the help. Its nice hearing some advice. Thank you!

deleted_user
By the way...I told him all of this the first time we talked, but he feels he is there for me and does help me out. He is under the impression that as long as he listens to me, thats helping me. I told him that there is more to it than that. Being there for someone requires reassurance, comforting them, and giving advice, which he lacks. I told him this and he said I just want to start arguments. It is like he is blind to what he actually does for me, and only sees what he thinks he does for me. I just dont think he realizes what "being there" for someone is. I told him what I thought it means and everything. No reply. What should I do? How do I get him to realize that not only I, but anyone in a relationship requires reassurance, someone to talk to AND someone who will give you advice back?

deleted_user
First things first is he having any counselling and if not i think he should seriously consider getting some as you are not a trained counsellor, and for yourself to on that same wave length sounds like you could also bennifit from talking to a counsellor in helping you to cope with your feelings about your husbands depression if he won't consider this then you should for yourself... This could be of great help to you and your husband I'm not talking about relationship counselling as he needs someone who specialises in depression, sometimes we need extra assistance in dealing with things in our lives this does not make you or him weak it actually makes you strong in reconising that you are not coping well... I hope you both get the assistance you both need , my thoughts are with you both... xxxoooxxx luv lesley

deleted_user
There is a book called "Depression Fallout" that I read. It's about how you can survive when they're depressed. It is very informative.
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