Im just looking for some type of guidance and support from people that know what Im going through. Ive managed to deal with my depression for so long, but now I cant do it anymore. I dont have the money or resources to seek professional help, and support from my peers is my only option now. Lately, Ive just been crying constantly, I barely eat, I drive an hour to go sit on the beach to just write. I was diagnosed with clinical depression when I was a freshman in college, but do to finances I was unable to continue seeing a therapist and I couldnt afford the medication. I cant turn to my family about it because they dont understand the need for treatment or what Im going through. Outside of my room I put on a smile so that I can convince everyone that Im okay. It works, but now I no longer leave my room. I dont participate in activities I use to love, dont hang out with my friends, etc. Ive just completed my junior year of college, and it just seems that I keep sinking and Im unable to pick myself back up like I use to. I know that once you fall, the only option you have left is to go back up, but Im having a very difficult time doing that. I have no self-esteem whatsoever, I feel like people are out to get me, Im very pessimistic, I dread waking up, and I cant even love myself and I therefore cant accept the love of others. My goal is do a complete 360 by July 13th, which is my birthday, I dont know if it will happen, but Im going to try my hardest because I dont know how much more I can bare.
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