I know that one of the reasons why I am still so depressed is because of how lonely I am. Now, seven years ago I met love of my life. She was my first and only love. But unfortunately, she was also my friends girlfriend. Nothing really happened between the two of us except that we would sometimes go out to watch a movie, go shopping together, and yes, we even went on a picnic together, after which she ended up kissing me and that became our first kiss. I lived in a town 3 and a half hours away from her yet I would drive down every weekend just for the sake of spending time with her, even if it was just for 10 minutes that week. I just loved the way I felt when I was with her and I know I have my flaws, but I discarded them and changed myself completely for her for the better. Everyone noticed that I was smiling all of the time and just much happier. But her and my friend were going though a rough patch in their relationship and I was the go to guy for advice for the two of them and although I cared for her more than I should have, I still did the right thing and helped them both out, and in the end, they got back together. I ended up putting their happiness before mine. I tried to keep my distance from her after that just to not think about them together. But a few months later, they were having problems again and she came to me one night and told me that she really missed me and wanted to spend more time with me and I just couldn't say no to her. We spend more time together and ended up falling in love. But she ended up moving across the country to go to school. We would call each other every other day for months but after a while, i wasnt able to get a hold of her. A week later, she called me and said that she still loved her boyfriend very much, was going to marry him, and that we couldn't be friends anymore, and this was just out of the blue. Nothing had happened between us. So although we weren't officially boyfriend and girlfriend, we broke up, and I have never been the same since. Now this happened six years ago and the thing is that I still think of her every hour of every day and I can't feel anything but love for her. Most of my family and friends all despise her and call her names for what she did to me but I can't think of her in any negative way. She was the best thing that ever happened to me. Everyone tells me that time heals but in fact all it does is make it worse. I mean, the only time I've ever been happy was when I was with her and now all i feel is dead inside. I pretty much don't trust anyone now, don't really talk to women, and basically avoid them as much as possible. I'm scared of what they might do to me. I was barely able to cope with that loss, and I know that if it were to ever happen again, I would not survive it. But at the same time, I would give ANYTHING just to be with her again and have someone to love and care for. What I would like to know is if anyone ever felt this way and HAS gotten over it, because like I said, I can't get over her. This love hass become a disease and it is just killing me and I feel like I'm rotting on the inside. Any advice would be greatly appreciated and I apologize so much for making this so long. Thank you.
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