It would take a book to explain everything about me and why i've had depression for so long (i'm 29 - had it since i was 16) but i won't do that. Just know that i've been to hell and back and have worked for the last 10 years to save my life and make it so that i have a 'normal' life. My past likes to sneak up and hit me all the time, but it has gotten somewhat better. I'm on medication which definitely helps the ups and downs, but there is still ALOT to deal with in my life and i don't have good enough insurance so that i can go to a psychologist. Anyway, I am at one of my lowpoints right now and having a lot of trouble. When i am at my highpoints, i can deal with anything and everything and nothing bothers me. But right now there are lots of people and situations that i am having to deal with and make big decisions on. i am completely overwelmed and all i want to do is go home crawl into bed and never talk to anyone again. It only makes it worse that i know what causes this because it makes me so mad when i let my depression interfere with all the good things and relationships i've built for myself. I'm not sure what i need - maybe just to get it out maybe? I don't know. I would ask for advice, but i get plenty of advice, none of which makes me feel any better. I guess i should ask how do i take care of myself during the lowpoints (having alone time, being able to cry, not clearing my schedule so that i'm not overwelmed)and not let it interfere with my life? Even though lots of people know i have depression - that doesn't make it easier for them to understand. So i tend to do better when i am able to be by myself and take care of myself that way. During these times, i start to fight with my boyfriend and become unhappy about everything. i become hopeless and angry. I push eveyrone in my life away because i am incapable of 'dealing' with them when i feel like this. It seems to happen once a month - but i never know when or long it will last. No one understands and i don't want it to ruin the good relationships i have created. What do i do!?
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