ok, some of you know how i have felt the past couple of weeks. i have really been edgy and upset and just ready to give-up. i have been going back and forth with the therapist lady and we cant come to a consensus as to what needs to be done to get back on track. she has suggested out patient stuff and inpatient stuff and meds and the like. i refuse to do any hospital stuff since i was just in the hospital in december. we know that if i take the meds and try to spend less time at home and away from the evil at home that there is a possibility that things may turn around and i may start feeling better. the problem at hand is that i am at a point where i just dont care to feel better. i have decided to just let myself spiral down to shit and not dig myself back out. i am sick of the constant up and down and i kinda dont want to do it anymore. i realize that life is up and down and that it is unrealistic for me to look for anything less turbulent. and i just want to get low enough that i dont hesitate just end it and that's that. anyway, i have an appointment on tuesday with the therapist. i made it myself after speaking with her on the phone canceling an earlier appointment. my question is what i should say to her at this appointment. i made it in a moment of weakness thinking that i needed to do something to to get better but now i dont feel that way so much.
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