I left work crying last night, because I hate it there. I hate how negative the whole place is and how absolutely everyone trash talks everyone else behind their backs. I hate that we are always slammed with work and not enough bodies to finish everything, to the point where we can't get meds to the facilities in time. I hate that some people get promoted because they sleep with one of the pharmacists. I hate the egos that abound there. Fortunately for me, next week I will be starting in a different department there, with a pay increase to boot. But it can't come fast enough. I was so tired and burnt out and I literally left home in tears. I was still crying when I got home. Still crying as I took a bath (one of the only things that gives me peace and solace). I feel like people think I'm stupid there.. or maybe that's only me thinking that. Realistically, I realize that it was not my fault the deliveries were late, and that people are going to be petty and negative wherever I go. I think it's mainly that I am in such close proximity to them and their negativity that I soak that shit up and it has a very bad effect on me. Which means moving to a different department will be a very good thing for me. As for last night, I can try and apologize to the nice coworker that I got mad at. Or maybe give her some space at first and then apologize to her. I don't want to go into work today, but calling out sick when I'm not is not my style. I've thought of looking for a new job, but I just applied for benefits through my current workplace. Also, my plan was to stick it out for a few years (or until they fire me, whichever comes first). I've job-hopped so many times lately that this time, I need to stay. And it's the devil I know, and they know me. They appreciate me in their way. After all, if they didn't, they wouldn't be giving me a pay raise. Again, I'm trying... but when I come home crying and binge on chocolate peanut butter to make myself feel better (and I don't typically have a sweet tooth), that's a red flag to me. And this wasn't the first time either.
Does anyone know what the Democrats are demanding in this shutdown? I've seen nothing other than money for the wall. Have you seen anything other than Trump wants 5.7 billion and Democrats say "no"? Is this really the reason 800,000 people and their families have no paycheck?
Lately I have been feeling really great. I feel guilty that I am feeling so good because I come here and see how some of you guys are struggling. But I believe that coming here and being able to talk to everyone is what has helped me so much. I hope that by coming here and writing to people that I may be able to give them some peace of mind as well.