We've been married for 10 years. Two years ago he up and left with no warning. I got him to come home through phone messages. Come to find out he left because he didn't want me to find out he'd been cheating our entire marriage and now there was a new child on the way, with the woman who had been making our lives miserable for our entire marriage. We've worked through those things and are still together, he's been working very hard to rebuild my trust in him. Problem is the child. I can barely acknowledge that it is a child, I can't look at any baby or even be close to one. I just became an aunt and regretfully can't even feel happy about it. I want to but nothing works. I can't even look at my own childrens baby pictures anymore. It's like all my joy is gone. I've always loved children, all children. Now I'm ashamed to say I can't stand to be near any but my own. I am so angry that I can't even look back on my own childrens baby years with happiness. Not because of them, only because they were babies and the thought of any baby anymore brings me terrible pain. We may be losing our home again, we lost our last home about 6 months ago because the judge ordered so much childsupport for those kids that we just aren't making ends meet anymore. She gets $368 a week and he gets $135 a week to live off. We can't even fight, who can fight the government. I still have serious abandonment issues as well. I'm so tired of dreaming about it, it's really affecting my daily life and I have children to raise and support, they are healing from this all as well as suffering for it on top of it. I guess I'm feeling worse right now because I know I won't be able to give my wonderful kids a christmas again. I've never been able to and it hurts so bad not to have anything under the tree. Then I feel guilty because other people have serious health issues to worry over and I'm whining about this. I don't know how to stop feeling so angry and fearful, I don't know how to help my family get through these things.
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