i just wanted to say thankyou to the people who sent me messages yesterday. i so wanted to go see ms pat. i called the hospital this morning, and i have been told she passed away this morning at about 1am. i was making arrangements for me to go to usa for the funeral , but from what i gather its only going to be a short memorial service, and then she will be cremated and her sister will take her ashes to new york with her. which is where pat is from. so i have decided that i am not going to go. cos i would have to go to peterborough tomorrow to get a passport done, thats 114, the flight was going to be $405,then i would have to hire a car and find a hotel. so i just really cant afford to. well i can but my friend ms flora said with my health being so bad i shouldnt go. cos i cant hold a suitcase. let alone a carry on bag. and my depression is going to get worse. not the best way to fly. i always thought she would go after her hubby. he is in his 70's, and she was in her early 60's. that is no age anymore. she is younger than my dad. i cant stop crying. i have lost one of the few people who cared for me and i mean really cared. i just to call her my second mum. i am heart broken. and i am not going to say goodbye to her. there is no point. i will say my thanks to god here that he gave me such a wonderful lady. she was one of the few people i truly loved. i mean, you love some people dont you, but there are some people besides your parents you love just as much. and now that person for me has gone. i dont know what to do. i am just sat here typing away. telling you all how i feel. i am devastated. and there is nothing i can do. i need to cry and remember the good times we shared.
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