For the past 4yrs my partner now Ex kept me prisoner in my own home with our 5kids and treated me badly but treated my 3 oldest boys worse.He never hit me but instead he used my 10yr old as his personal whipping boy and verbaly abused the other 2boys.He would even use a belt on my twins who are now 4.The only way i could get away from him was to do something so drastic that it would have me admitted to the Mental Health Ward just to get help.My guilt was horrid as i didn't know what he would do to my kids.The police were called and photo evidence was taken and statements from my 3boys were taken at school with the Principal present and Welfare were involved and i was afraid that they would take my kids away but they didn't thank god.He was charged with 2 counts of common assault on my 10yr old but he also used to choke my kids as well.We all got summoned to court as witnesses and i was having panic attaacks and worried about the boys.In the end when we got there we didn't have to testify as he finally pled guilty to the charges and got 9mths probation but still gets to see the kids only it has to be fully supervised.I was so relieved that when i got out of the court house i was in tears with relief that it was over.The week before my dad passed away and I still haven't grieved for him yet and at home i feel like i am failing as the house is a mess and i can't cope with the kids and their anger.they don't listen and they just treat me like their slave.i just don't know what to do about them and they way i feel which is like a failure for letting them get hurt by their father for so long.I am also to blame for what happened to them cause I didn't tell anyone so the guilt is horrific.I wish i could take back the last 4yrs and start all over again.I had to make a choice between my partner and my kids and of course I chose my kids.I am still going through court for a Domestic Violence order and everytime i see him in court i have panic attacks and end up in a blubbering mess and am sick of it.
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