I had written an email to my mother a few weeks ago, and she just replied to it this morning. she said she wasnt saying what she really wanted to say. but what she did say hurt enough as it was. i am fat and not taking care of myself. all my illnesses are in my head. and i am loud and common. yes i can be loud, when i want to. then i told my husband about it, he could see i had been crying but he said well you are loud. so maybe she is saying the truth. i cant believe that he agreed with her. he hates her. but then again he says the same things to me anyway. i get no support from him at all. now if he had been told that. iwould be all nice to him, saying you know thats not true, and you know its your mums point of view not mine. but he just agreed with me and walked out the room. so i feel i have no one to be caring towards me. i thought i was as low as i could go the other weeks but this is like a slap in the face. i thought partners were supposed to support you, but he never does, he just agrees with everyone who say negative things to me. so i told him to f off. so why do i let people treat me this way. my dad does it to a point, but he just goes on about my weight. and i know i need to loose weight. and i am trying. so now i am back to square one. where do i belong ? who loves me? who wants me ? who is proud of me ? and all the answers icome up with are no one. i have no friends. i have even had words with my best friend here. i was so excited that she was remarrying, and the bloke she was marrying is her high school sweetheart. and now we are 46 she is finally happiness. but then on my own wedding anniversary july 25th she sent me a text to tell me she got married early and that she got married the day before. instead of aug 8th. cos her husband to be wanted to get married on 08/08/08. i thought that was nice. but they bought the wedding forward and didnt even tell me. and she just said to me she had her reasons and wouldnt discuss it with me. and we never keep secrets from each other. well i called her daughter, as they were having the reception still, on 08/08/08. so i called her daughter to say i would be able to go to that. she then told me it was cancelled too. apparently our friend, her new hubby, is in a deep depression again. he cant go out. he stays home all the time. and is miserable. well we have all been there at some time in my life.last time he was like this he drove over 300 miles and he can remember sitting by a train way crossing in the country and seeing how often the trains came by. then he got the courage to go into town and buy some vodka, then intended on going back to the railway crossing, sitting in his car and then sit it on the tracks when he knew i train would be coming, but someone intervened, cos when he got back, he saw cops every where. so he turned his car around and went home. but he was missing for two days, and he wouldnt answer his cell phone. so i know what he is capable of. i hope he doesnt try anything like this again. cos he is bad again. you know if it was your wedding you would want all your friends and family there that you had orginally decided on. but he couldnt hack it. he wanted just their families there. but i do understand but i had to hear it from her daughter not herself. but i think it probably has to do with her new husband being in the house. but that doesnt change how i feel about things. my so called husband doesnt give me any sympathy. at all. i dont want sympathy really, i need someone to support me mentally. not turn round and agree with what my mum says to me. and he is on the side of my mother but my mother hates him. and he knows that. so where is his head, up his arse or wherever.i am so totally fed up. i go to councelling each week, and i went last night, and my councellor is on holiday for the next two weeks. so i have called her cell phone but she didnt answer but i left her a message. so i hope she calls me back. hubby is supposed to be decorating the upper hallways, stairs and lower hallway. he is on holiday from work for ten days. to do this decorating, and yesterday he just sat down here and watched tv all day long, the olympics. so he did no wallpapering yesterday. and i cant do it. so all he has put up so far is 4 pieces of paper. but it does look nice, i picked the wallpaper. but it seems to me the i have squares in the house all over. lol. carpet has squares, now i have wallpaper in two rooms that have squares on them. but it does look good. well i hope some of you can give me some advice. thank you.
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