I am just so confused and scared and all these feelings all bundled together and I can't figure out what I'm supposed to do....all of you have given me advice and suggestions about what to do in my situation, but I can't make sense of any of it. One of the main things I've heard is "think positively" but the only issue I seem to be stumbling over is this: how do I think positively, and when I accomplish that, how do I make myself believe that positive thought? Just because I say "today is going to be a good day" doesn't mean at all that my mind believes that, it's just a lie, nor does it mean that today really is going to be a good day. I just can't figure that out. I don't know how to make myself a better person. I just want to be happy....and I can't see it happening. I have everything a person could want....except a decent job, but that's not the point. Point is that I can't find happiness in my life, and I can't stand it anymore....it's making me miserable that I am not how I used to be. I have this horrible feeling that doesn't seem to go away and it is destroying me. I just don't know what to do....I am so lost and confused and hurt and dammit I'm going crazy. Does anybody have anything else that might be able to help me>? I'm so desperate.....I need help and I can't even get that.....I don't even know why I post this because it sounds like my last 30 posts on here and nothing has changed....I feel now like I am just wasting all of your time because this is like a broken record I know.
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I've had a few accounts over the years. I would be having lots of nice connections and feel like its all working and then something would trigger some episode of crazy depresssion and id just stop everything. feel like im doing ok now and just needed to com back to ds. i missed you guys. you spirit and your strength helped me through some very rough times. i just want to let all of you know the...