I think you should not worry about sounding like a broken record...lots of us could probably be accused of the same...If you need to keep talking, keep talking...You may yet find the advice that helps...so keep asking so people can keep dispensing it...In the meantime, flushing the wound, so to speak, keeps it from festering...I have the same problem with the positive thought issue...I don't know how to believe it...I don't know how to transition from acting out the part to living the part...and I am exhausted

Wanamaker, I know I need AD's, along with many other meds, but I'm not going to get them any time soon, because I have no insurance, I can't start any on my own, and I have no way to pay for any meds....I know I need them but I just can't get them. Not until I turn 18, and I can't go through this crap without help any longer. Something has got to give. I've been to the ER twice and both times I was rejected. They told me that I didn't show any signs of depression, anxiety, insomnia, or BP, but I know I showed signs of all of them. I slammed my own head in the door in front of three nurses and a doctor, and they still rejected me. They just said that I didn't show any signs, but the real reason they didn't help is because I don't have any insurance. Hell, I had to sit in the lobby of the ER for 8 hours the first time I went because they couldn't find any insurance on the records and they wouldn't admit me until my dad finally agreed to come sign the papers and start the insurance plan, but he never did, after he signed them, he just threw them away because he was supposed to send them off, but he didn't want to.

Sun, I know all too well how crappy life can be...and maybe its just my view, but there has to be answers, Right? There has to be something that can make it better, isn't there?

For more info on my feelings, please feel free to read my journal....it explains more in depth what I'm feeling...just didn't want to put it all in here because I know people are tired of hearing the same old crap from me.

your not wasting anyones time....postive thoughts work because if you flood your mind with them long enough your mind really does start to beleive it, and you start to do things to make that happen, i know that you dont think it would work but it really does....

i do believe that you would be helped by anti-depressants as wanamaker sujested, you sound so down to me that this could be a good option for you....make an appt with your doctor and tell them honestly how you are feeling and that youve been feeling this way for quit some time now.....

therapy is a good option for you as well, someone to talk to, they can make sure that you are on the right track, you would be suprised at how these things when put together can really change your life.....it takes a long time but its worth the effort it really is.....

in the meantime you have lots of support here and there is always someone to talk to.....hope this helped some.....

hey kid, I can identify with you, i feel like shit most of the time, its degrees of misery for the last 26 years. however, ive been on meds for the last 2 years and its helping somewhat but there are times that im in real pain. i have found that im in the most pain when im not happy with my job, or not working at all, or i have put off a big chore that is eating at me. just knocking out a challenge that was bugging me really helps. WORK for me is a big part a pain management. i do crazy shit that keeps my mind off the demons that haunt me. currently working in baghdad, im feeling better than i have in years. ive got big problems, aside from being fat, i have ruminating thoughts that have been eating at me since highschool, memories of a really shitty childhood creep in on the really special days. my point is, i know pain, relentless pain. the meds, effexor and lexapro have a very subtle effect on my disturbia but they give me breathing room to relax and rationalize my state of being. I have found a sexy little drug called seroquel. its for treatment of schizophrenia but is has nice side affects, mainly a sleep aid. I was prescribed Seroquel because the effexor and lexapro would not let me sleep. Now I can feel myself slipping into a real bummer of a day, I can recognize whats happening and take a small amount of seroquel. 10 minutes later, im starting to chill out and be more rational, more in control. Baby, I hope your seeing a doctor. I waited damn near 30 years before I sought treatment. I kick myself for not getting help sooner. If its a money problem you might be surprised and find a doctor that will charge you a small monthly fee for a visit then youll received free sample meds. My doc in dallas operates this way and its a real blessing. Like I said, life sucks for me but im slowly taking back control of a lot of my emotions. Staying busy, not procrastinating, a job thats exciting or at least pays good and a damn good doctor has been a source of some relief. Hey, I never give advise about anything but this one thing I feel like I can spew forth without feeling like a total asshole

hope this helped, good luck, hang in there slick
jim
ps, you need to bs, alibabaskid@hotmail.com

Positive affirmations don't work well for me either, and they never have. I think that is a good indication that your (and my) depression is more than just bad feelings, and needs some help with meds and/or therapy. With that kind of depression, both are usually recommended for the most effective treatment.

Give yourself a chance.

I know it seems like hell, and it is, but if you can just hold out in however way you can manage, until you are 18 and you can get some of your own help, there is much more hope for you. Right now you are in between a rock and a hard place, but you will not always be that way. I have spent the last 2 years since Isaac died desperate, too. And it is so difficult for me right now, too. But I have learned over time, that usually means, I am about to break through into another higher level of my life - this is the monster at the end of your level you need to beat it in order to get to the next one -- that is the game of life.

Take heart, and don't give up.