I hate money and love it too. I can't see my therapist this month since I don't have any money and she only takes cash. I spent money at Xmas for people who didn't care and didn't return the feeling. I'm so in debt to psych. hosp. that I can't pay my regular bills. I tell my therapist or someone that I'm so lonely that I want to die the next thing you know I'm in a hospital with another huge bill to pay. I can't afford the copays of my meds anymore. I have regular medical problems but can't go to the doctor cause I can't pay the copays there. I'm worth more dead than alive since I own my trailer..go figure. Dead my sister could sell the trailer and take care of my animals or pay someone to do it. It's raining here tonight and my ex and I used to love to lay in bed and listen to the rain. Now I'll never know the touch of another person. I wonder how blood looks in the dark, in the rain?
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My form of self harm is picking at my skin. My fingers and chest especially at the moment look absolutely atrocious. Really worried people are going to notice and say something, and half the time I dont even realise I'm doing it. My skin was looking so healthy, and now I'm back to square 1. I know relapses will happen, but feel so angry and disappointed in myself.
I am in a fog and I'd like to know, how do you all overcome your depressive slumps.