It’s hard to even attempt recovery from an eating disorder and depression when you are bombarded with mixed messages every second of every day. On the one hand it seems like a majority of society/the media says skinny is healthy and successful. On the other hand, there’s a (small) community of people who say your size doesn’t determine your health or success. And then there’s me, who wants SO BADLY to be my old, skinny self, but is so traumatized by what I had to do in order to get there and stay there before. And I ask myself why I want to be that size and there’s multiple reasons - one is that I did better in life in general (probably because I was obsessed with being “perfect”), I also felt more love from others-especially from my family, another is pure vanity, and another is that I WAS “healfhier” to an extent...I could to more things without feeling out of breath, I could exercise, etc. and then there’s the depression. Which makes it hard to even get out of bed or take a shower...to do ANYTHING, really. I see a therapist, I go to group therapy, I take medication, but there are still SO MANY different pieces of “advice” going through my head. And every single time I talk to someone about it they say “you’ve been in this place a long time, so it’s going to take you a long time to get out of it,” which is so discouraging. And it cripples me. I wish someone would just tell me how do I get the motivation to get out of my bed? Like if there are so many different perspectives on this subject, then how do I know which one is the right one, if there even is a right one? I hate saying this, but sometimes I just feel like it would be easier to just not be here. I go to therapy and get home and feel even worse. My medicine makes me feel numb. I feel like a burden to my family. I can’t see a future for myself. The world is so messed up and so am I.
this is my first time writing to anyone about what i am feeling and its hard to try and out yourself its embrassing, but i know i need the help and this is me trying to better myself. I have not ate today i stayed in my room most of the day i just drank some water and that was pretty much it, im sad evryday and i don't know what to do or how to stop it, i just know i don't want to be sad anymore
Hi folks, I'm new. I'm 21 years old and struggle with Depression. Today I managed to get out of bed and do some errands though. I hope I can get some support and support those around me.