Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I miss my mum today. I had a chat with Toocoolforfairyschool last night about why she was feeling bad and what had got her to suffering in the first place. It came to the subject of mums as bot of us have lost ours. I didn't want to push her into talking if she wasn't ready to, but I told her about my mum. I haven't spoken about her for a while and it got me thinking about things. I ended up crying myself to sleep last night and I can feel the tears starting again as I write this. But I'm going to share this anyway as I feel I need to get things down in writing....
My mum was an incredible woman. I never knew it when i was younger, I was too wrapped up in being a little bastard at the time. When I was 17 or 18 I got involved with drugs. My mum knew it, my dad knew it, but at the time I thought I was hiding it. I stole from them, I lied to them, I put them through hell, but my mum loved me through it all. I argued with them, I nearly came to blows with my dad on many an occasion. My mum always stepped in between us. She never had a go, never got angry at me for it, she just supported me and tried to talk sense.
When she got cancer the first time round she never let on how much she was suffering, she was only interested in how we were all coping while she was in hospital. She wanted to know about my day at work, or what I'd been doing on my day off, making sure I'd been making the most of the local pub and had been winning in my league pool games. She didn't care that she'd just been through an operation, or was in the middle of chemo. Fuck I feel awful for even wanting to tell her now!
The second time she had cancer i was in a relationship. She only met my girlfriend a few times, but spoke to her on the phone a fair amount. I was in love and was making plans to move into my girlfriend's house at the time. I remember one night, just a couple of weeks before she died, my mum was in bed downstairs (she was too weak to get upstairs by then) and had said she didn't want to talk to anyone as she was feeling bad. Caroline (my then girlfriend) phoned. I had a quick chat, but said I wanted to cut it short as I was spending time with my mum. She asked who was on the phone and when I told her she reached out for the phone. I could see it was hurting her, but she was determined. Her voice had been almost inaudible all evening, but she found the strength to tell Caroline she loved her and that she should take care of her baby boy. I have no idea where she got that strength from, but she was obviously in a lot of pain from the effort as she fell asleep straight afterwards.
2 weeks later I went off to work, with plans to go to my girlfriend's for the weekend afterwards. As i left i said "see you when i get back mum". My mum was in a bad way that morning so I'd left my mobile on at work. My boss knew what was happening with my mum and had done for a while. He also knew I was off to Caroline's after work. In the middle of delivering the morning briefing to the sales team I got a phone call from my dad.... "come home, your mum's taken a bad turn". I told my boss what was going on and that I would have to go. His response was "you had that call planned so you could go early, your mum's not having a bad turn!" So I decked him! CUNT!!! As i waited at the train station I got a call again. "Your mum's ok again now". So instead of heading home I went to Caroline's. Had a drink that night, went back and went to bed. Spent the next day watching football having checked in with my dad to see how mum was. In the middle of a film a bit later my phone rang. My sister...... "she's gone". A bit of me died at that moment too. Next morning i was on a train back from Glasgow.
I can't forgive myself for not being there when she went. I can't believe I didn't get a chance to say goodbye. I hate myself for not saying thankyou or i love you that morning before I went to work. After the problems I had with drugs when I was younger I can honestly say that I owe my mum my life, I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for her. So I just want to put it on record for everyone (including her hopefully) to see. Mum, I love you. Thankyou from the bottom of my heart for everything you ever did for me, for loving me unconditionally, for simply being the best. I'll see you soon. x
My mum was an incredible woman. I never knew it when i was younger, I was too wrapped up in being a little bastard at the time. When I was 17 or 18 I got involved with drugs. My mum knew it, my dad knew it, but at the time I thought I was hiding it. I stole from them, I lied to them, I put them through hell, but my mum loved me through it all. I argued with them, I nearly came to blows with my dad on many an occasion. My mum always stepped in between us. She never had a go, never got angry at me for it, she just supported me and tried to talk sense.
When she got cancer the first time round she never let on how much she was suffering, she was only interested in how we were all coping while she was in hospital. She wanted to know about my day at work, or what I'd been doing on my day off, making sure I'd been making the most of the local pub and had been winning in my league pool games. She didn't care that she'd just been through an operation, or was in the middle of chemo. Fuck I feel awful for even wanting to tell her now!
The second time she had cancer i was in a relationship. She only met my girlfriend a few times, but spoke to her on the phone a fair amount. I was in love and was making plans to move into my girlfriend's house at the time. I remember one night, just a couple of weeks before she died, my mum was in bed downstairs (she was too weak to get upstairs by then) and had said she didn't want to talk to anyone as she was feeling bad. Caroline (my then girlfriend) phoned. I had a quick chat, but said I wanted to cut it short as I was spending time with my mum. She asked who was on the phone and when I told her she reached out for the phone. I could see it was hurting her, but she was determined. Her voice had been almost inaudible all evening, but she found the strength to tell Caroline she loved her and that she should take care of her baby boy. I have no idea where she got that strength from, but she was obviously in a lot of pain from the effort as she fell asleep straight afterwards.
2 weeks later I went off to work, with plans to go to my girlfriend's for the weekend afterwards. As i left i said "see you when i get back mum". My mum was in a bad way that morning so I'd left my mobile on at work. My boss knew what was happening with my mum and had done for a while. He also knew I was off to Caroline's after work. In the middle of delivering the morning briefing to the sales team I got a phone call from my dad.... "come home, your mum's taken a bad turn". I told my boss what was going on and that I would have to go. His response was "you had that call planned so you could go early, your mum's not having a bad turn!" So I decked him! CUNT!!! As i waited at the train station I got a call again. "Your mum's ok again now". So instead of heading home I went to Caroline's. Had a drink that night, went back and went to bed. Spent the next day watching football having checked in with my dad to see how mum was. In the middle of a film a bit later my phone rang. My sister...... "she's gone". A bit of me died at that moment too. Next morning i was on a train back from Glasgow.
I can't forgive myself for not being there when she went. I can't believe I didn't get a chance to say goodbye. I hate myself for not saying thankyou or i love you that morning before I went to work. After the problems I had with drugs when I was younger I can honestly say that I owe my mum my life, I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for her. So I just want to put it on record for everyone (including her hopefully) to see. Mum, I love you. Thankyou from the bottom of my heart for everything you ever did for me, for loving me unconditionally, for simply being the best. I'll see you soon. x
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
Take it easy x
There isn't a day goes by when i don't miss her. All the time she was here i took her for granted. Now she's gone i need her the most. I don't think you can ever be at peace with it. There is just no way forward.
I know how you feel and i know how you run it over and over in your head, thinking what if, but it doesn't help.
I just try to do as she would have done and be as she would have wanted me to be. Maybe then all will be well.
I have never lost a parent so I can not relate to that. But I know what it is like to grieve for a loss that seems to have taken a piece of your heart.
She is waiting for you and someday you will see her again. Let her live through you and try to make the best of every day. She is proud of you.
thank you for sharing about her, she sounds like a wonderfully patient and wise lady, therefore have no regrets..
moms know....:)
(brought a few tears to my eyes)