Should I go against my biggest fear and go to the hospital? I mean, some of my thoughts are getting out of control and I fantasize about weird stuff, like last night when I put sugar in my tea, I wished it was cyanide. Or when I pull up to the train tracks to wait for a train, I wish I was stuck on the tracks....I don't know, but thoughts like this haven't been a part of the problem before, I don't know that there is enough to make me go to the hospital again...but it makes me want to see a dr. That can't happen though, it's either hospital or bust...neither are great options...but that's all I have. I don't know what I should do...I'm pretty lifeless, feel like theres never gonna be a chance in life for me....
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