im so tired of the feelings i cant stop having. i just cant stop it. i hate myself. i want to end it. everything. dont panic i dont have the guts to kill myslef. sometimes i wish i did though. i couldnt do it though. everyday i wake up i think what is purpose of being here?? i havent come up with a answer yet. so i ask myself what do i like about my life? all i have ever come up with is my brother. he is the only reason i live. without him i probally would have killed myself a long long time ago. i just am so sick of it so sick of the sadness. so sick of the pointless anger and rage. im begining to like the fact that im not hungry and not eating. that doesnt really bother me excepr when i have to force myself to eat. i cant take the sleepless nights. i have tried otc sleeping pills and they just dont work. im sick of biting myself to avoid hurting someone else. im done with feeling out of control. i just wish i had help. im sick of needing pills to make everything disapppear. im tired of having to use drugs just to feel somewhat normal. i have waited long enough for tings to get better. i know they will someday (there is some hope) but they need to get better now before it is too late. i want help. i just dont know how to get it fast enough.
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