Felt that way so often. There's so much i want to do, but never get to. The only luck I've had is to try and keep plugging away at things, set small goals and try to accomplish them

It's nice to know someone else feels the same way - even though it's a horrible way to feel. Thanks for the advice. My voice of doom wants to argue with you, but what else can one do?

I'v felt that way loads, but Im now back towork, and it is the work that keeps me 'sane'. It seems that only work sometimes, that is the only stable part of my life, and if I didn't have it, I WOULD go mad, XXX BIG BOSIES,

i too am skipping work. two days in a row now. My attitude is i am not letting anybody down. As a school teacher, i would be no use to the children, unable to put my thoughts together and unable to be descisive. I have got a good team behind me who know what i am going through- i found out three others have gone through the same thing! have you ever spoken to someone that you trust at work?

Hi Charlie,
Sorry to hear you're having a hard time. Sounds like you're doing the right thing. I set up a company with 2 friends about a year ago and hit a wall not long after we set it up. They have both been very supportive - and both been working extremely hard. I find it quite hard not to feel like I'm not performing the way I should - esp because of their support/hard work.

Me too. I told em the truth though and said I didnt want it being spread around. I'll probably lose my job but what can I do? I just dont want to go in. I've said on here before, I work in retail and you have to be happy and full of the joys of spring and also let the customers treat you like dirt if they so feel. Well right now, I cant do that and rather than working myself up even more, Im taking the time off.And yes... most of us need to sort our lives out :)
Have you been to see your doc? Thats maybe something you need to do. Thats probably the 1st step cos youve realised that somethings not right... go see the doc :)

Hi Dunno. We all need to sort our lives out - lol! Guess that's true. I recently went back to the doc - have been doing it w/o pills for a while, had a brief relationship recently and when we split up I told her why I'd been stand-offish. She persuaded me to go back to the doc and do whatever it takes. So yep, I guess that's a step. But it's one that I've taken before. Has it worked before? Yep, in some ways. But I find myself back in the same place. I'm still me. I still can't entertain myself, can't get interested, push anyone who tries to get close to me away, hate my job blah blah blah!

I saw my doc yesterday and I duno how true this is but he said that because I stopped taking the pil;ls last time before I should have, thats the reason that i have relapsed. He said that I would probably have coped with everything ok if I had have done the full course. I cant see how but they apparantlyn know what theyre talking about. Did you take meds before and if you did, did you take them for as long as they said to?

AngloAuss you are really funny, you know, you seem like you have a sense of humor. You need to try Comedy Clubs maybe. That's what I repeat to myself sometime,blahblahblahblah...

Hi Dunno,

Apologies for banging on - it's all coming out. I hope there's some useful advie in here....

Yep, have taken meds before. And I guess they helped, but I've always find it difficult to know whether it's them that have helped or whether making life/attitude changes has. Previously I made 'new starts' - 1st time changed university course 2nd time finally left the country and moved to South America. I got back to the UK a few years back, had another bout, worked as a woodsman for 6 months then moved to the big smoke and got a job back in IT. All good - great - for a couple of years - and then WHACK! That was a year ago. Ha! There's my life story...

Back to the point... I figured I needed to stop running from whatever it is - me... I'm hanging in there but not terribly well sometimes. Staying put in this country makes me feel like I'm admitting I'm a 'depressive'. Facing old friends, bumping into old work colleagues fills me with fear, shame and regret.

Apologies didn't get back to the point...Hope you're still there.

The pills could work - that's the point. But from what I know and have read, it's not just pills that are going to do it. And here's the bit that's scaring the bejeezuz out of me. It's you! The pills will help, but ultimately you need to talk to someone - a psych or counsellor that you're comfy with. I've seen a couple and am starting again to see one who I like who I hope can save me! Or help me save me. The whole b*****d thing confuses the hell out of me.

The doc I saw scared me as I must have unwittingly scared her - recommended that I get back onto Citalampram and saw a psychiatrist to get something stronger. Dammit.

But I figured that they are professionals - they probably see lots of depressed people and it's their job to help. If it takes a head doctor to help then so be it. At the end of the day why not take their advice?

Anglo...lol that last post confused the hell outa me lolol. Depression seems to affect some people in patterns. Ie: You may have been depressed 5 years ago and the same thing that set you off then may set you off again and so on through your life.Taking time off work may help as its giving you a break but it may also make you think too much cos you have time on your hands to do exactly that.Vicious circle.

I'm a bit of a discussion board virgin, so apologies if I banged on! Great to find somewhere where I feel like I have an opinion. Ha!

Know what you mean about time off work / too much time to think. Not sure I answered your question before - I've stayed on the pills for a year or so previously. Started 15 months back (once more), took myself off them after about 5 months as I didn't think they were the answer. This time I'm going to stick with them. Wise people say that different things work for different people. I guess it's about finding what works for you?

And you may be right about the cyclic thing. Things definitely have set me off - stress, death, break-ups. Not sure how you get away from such things though :-(

Anglo... I pm'd you :)

I know this is going to sound strange, But feeling like commiting suicide is a good thing. I was once told by a doctor that people have those feelings when coming out of depression. When you are totally consumed by the depression you can't think straight and would never have those thoughts. So think positive, i know it's just the hardest place to be in the cycle, trust me i've been there. I get tired of life, the hum drum routines, surviving rather than living, lack of a social life. I can only take one day at a time, To survive i have a whole list of goals on my calendar of all the things i liked doing defore depression set in. One day i might achieve them again, but for now it's small steps i am just trying to organise one thing a day that i might enjoy. Some days it's just a bubble bath and a book. I haven't quite reached the outside world yet but small steps.

You're right - that does sound strange. But I've heard that one too..

And I know when I've not been depressed I've looked back at what I've written and thought and can't quite believe it was me. That I could think that way. So I suppose there's a light there.

I like the idea of little goals - it's been a while since I've made some worthwhile ones.

Thanks for your post and ideas.