Probably should write this in journal but just don't want to . I am again so completely disgusted with myself. I feel like I am just a series of f*** ups. Maybe occasionally there is a bright spot or a good day even but it's just a brief pause before my next major idiotic episode. Yeah I know - whine whine whine. Well damnit I hurt tonight and I'm whining ok? I just want to feel like i am worth something for more than a few minutes at a time. Like the 40 years I've managed to stay alive so far actually count for something. Sorry - ignore me please. I am toxic and don't really even know what I'm trying to say.
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