Of all the thoughts that rattle through my brain everyday, none of them are positive. I have a wonderful husband and 3 beautiful children yet, it does not make me happy. Of all the people in my life I do not have close friends and I definitely do not have a best friend (a girl best friend. Fortunately I have my soul mate, my husband). But a girl does need a girl bff right? It must be me then. Y would anyone love me or want to be my friend?....Tonight my cousin told me "the pity party is getting old" and that I should "just get over it." If I could do that doesn't she think I would have by now. And this is a cousin I thought I was close to. Guess not. Lately a lot of the people in my life have shown me through their actions that I do not truly matter in their life, they do not want me around and that they do not think I am worth their time. I always give give give to my friends and try to be there for them. Yet, I never get it in return. Everything in my life is crap right now. I cant pay my bills, I am not working, my kids have poor grades in school, my house is falling apart and so is my car. To make it worse I need to take the CBEST test so I can be a substitute teacher, yet my self-esteem is so low there is no way I will pass and no way I can work right now. When my cousin says "go do it tomorrow people are getting your job" it just makes me feel worse!! My depression has me in its grasp and wont let go. I do not know how to fix it.
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