Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

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Mental Health
/ Depression Support Group

love life and depression

deleted_user
deleted_user
hey everyone,I'm a newbie here.It took me a long time to admit it,but I think I have depression...and it's totally connect with my love life,and with bulimia nervosa,an eating disorder I'm going trough.I'm always depressed,when I have a bf,whether because he's not calling or texting or doesnt wanna see me,and when I dont have a bf I cry over the brake up and stuff.I'm never really happy,apart from the times I'm with the guy...and that fact ruins my relationships,because when I am in a relationship I give everything to make the other happy and they usually brake my heart.Does anyone else have that?All I think about is boyfriends(and I forgot to mention that until 17 I was fat and nobody wanted me as their gf).The worst is,everytime guys dont call I binge and purge,or harm myself with various ways...can anyone tell me how I can get back my self-esteem,or better yet,how to create the self-esteem I never had....?
deleted_user
deleted_user
wish i had a miracle to send you, to all make it better. hard for me to say what will help you in particular, cuz i'm pretty low myself, but maybe concentrate on the things that you are good at? big hugs and welcome,, and we're here to talk anytime.
deleted_user
deleted_user
i would love to tell you but i am battleing with low self esteem to, my counseller is trying to help me, but i understand what you mean when bf does not call you i am like this with my bf, i make up things in my mind and get angry at him
deleted_user
deleted_user
Right, you need to love yourself before jumping into another r'ship.
Obv is lushious to feel wanted, but you can give yourself major satisfaction in being able to cope alone.
I've been single for 3 1/2 yrs after 7yrs of continual r'ships, and I've done 3x more reading and painting than ever in r'ships.
Find out what you enjoy to give yourself some self esteem. Join some classes; be it yoga, a book club, painting classes, cooking, learn a language, whatever. Do things for yourself.
The only problem I have now is that I know what I want from a relationship and I'm not going to settle for second best! I'm better than that! xx
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hi and welcome to DS! I'm not a psychologist but there seems to be a couple of things that stand out in what you said

It seems all your life you have measured self-esteem to having a boyfriend?If you didn't have one when you were overweight and now that you're not, you are are relying a someone else to give you self esteem.
If you have battled problems with your weight and was able to overcome that, then build your self esteem on that- you should be proud of what you accomplished and certainly no boy did that for you!
deleted_user
deleted_user
^^exactly.Rite now my bf's not calling and I feel fat and useless and evrything u can imagine and all I wanna do is hurt myself.The worst is noone really takes me seriously, and they think I'm just a spoilt girl...I know there are worse problems in the world..but why cant I ever feel happy?
deleted_user
deleted_user
Go back and look at Curvykates post- because she's right. You are so determined to please someone else that you are not taking care of yourself. Whenself esteem goes up, insecurity goes down and you'll find someone just as eager to please you. Until then you are going to get taken advantage of.
deleted_user
deleted_user
ok, please..please don't take this as harsh, ok?

but do you realize how much pressure it is to be THE only source and measurement of another persons happiness or wellbeing? MASSIVE.

unless you try and find that within yourself..others will be pushed away by the enourmous pressure placed on them. not to mention, such intense neediness attracts shady characters.

therapy and cognitive techniques will help...yoga, meditation...lotsa things. but you'll have to do the WORK. it isn't magic.

i have self-esteem issues..and it's an ongoing job. but i'm stubborn and won't allow "it" to win. :)
good luck darlin' xoxo
deleted_user
deleted_user
ok, you may or may not be co dependent. i know that people cringe at that word, but it doesnt mean that you live/lived with an alcoholic. whether or not you or anyone else on this boar with self esteem issues is co dependent or not... the book i am reading helps... it is Codependent No More. it helps. as i keep reading it i realize that alot applies to people with self esteem issues and how they feel the need to find their happiness in other people. pick up the book, read it, learn from it. dont compare but identify. then apply what you have learned to your reactions in life. it works, i am getting happier with myself every day.

(((((HUGS)))))
deleted_user
deleted_user
how can someone make a relationship work out when they're under such situation?
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