this is personal and many may not want to read it but i feel like posting it here. i was married at 17 to what i thought was the love of my life. he ended up being the worst cheater on this planet... the things he did to this day are so horrible i shudder to think of them now. .... then as soon as i separated from him i met a man i thought was just the opposite.... he was shy and quite and easy going, where my husband had flirted and hit on every woman but the bag lady on the corner. he may have hit on her, i just might not know. this new man treated me like a queen... he lavished me with gifts , attention, trips, and most of all faithfulness and devotion... after about 2 years it all changed... i would reach out for him in the bed and he would jump up and run to the bathroom as if someone had sent a shock through his body. he would come back and make any excuse he could to stay on his side of the bed. as the years went by i kept trying to make it interesting and did all i could to be pretty and sexual and enticing. nothing worked with him... finally he told me he was impotent... even then i accepted this since he was my best friend and i felt if he had this problem i would not abandon him... it was all a big fat lie.. he was not impotent.... three years ago he was living with me at the time and i worked a lot of late nights. i found out he was having an affair with a woman he knew when i first met him... i made him leave my home... then i let him have the key again so he could come over and feed the dogs in the evenings. we never had a kind word to say to each other the last three years. i wanted him to really be sorry for what he had done.. instead all he would say is he didn't know why he had done this.... all those years of being with him and being ignored and a sexless relationship. i still accepted him because i felt he was a decent man and i loved him... so i let him back in my life just a little, 3 years ago after his affair... i guess i did this so he could do what he has done to me now... make me feel like crap and ugly and worthless and degraded and no self esteem..... come on back again and do the ultimate to me... take what self esteem i have left away from me because i have a forgiving heart... now tonight he is sleeping with another woman.... i don't know who she is.. i have imagined her to be a " cinderella" i suppose..... why does he want her and not me? why did he say he was impotent? he told me so may times he does not like a woman pawing on him.. why do i get messed up with the worst of the worst.??? he has actually bitten and abused me when i tried to get him to be sexual with me in the last few years.... hurt me and was so hateful i could tell he hated the very act of it!!!!! this new woman he is with is the same as he was with me... he is treating her the same way.... taking her to the same places... poor woman...... whoever she is i feel for her, for he will do the same to her... the new wears off very quickly for him..... i know i will regret placing all this here 2morr but i am so distraught and i am so low i have to tell someone what he has done to me...... i talked to his former girlfriends after he started treating me like i had a sexual disease and they all said he did the same to them.... now he has another one to hurt and abuse... one that he thinks will make him the man he can never be..... in my opinion he is a closet person and he needs to come out.. which would be the right thing to do and stop hurting women that only want to be loved...... i doubt if i can ever trust and love again.... i have never felt so betrayed and so unloved in my life.................
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