I know when I feel depressed that I always seem to concentrate on the negative instead of the positive sad to say that is a part of depression that I do not like. My husband is such a positive person that I just talk to him about it and he always helps me to see the other side. I am really sorry about your dad Im sure that is really tough. I hope every thing works out well for you Hugzzz. You can always vent here we will be here to listen.

WOW! Yeah. I went to a councilor and he's like, "change this, work on that". I had so hoped to have some support! Someone to cheer me on. But all he did is point out more and more and more and more problems with me, telling me there was all this shit wrong with me, and trying to get me to think of more shit wrong with me. He taught me I'm a big piece of shit. So when I think, "wow, I'm learning a lot about finance" or "gee, I did a good job tutoring a physics student", its like I hear his voice saying, "well, maybe you can do even better". ANd then I feel like TOTAL SHIT because no matter what I do it isn't good enough.

Fuck the "mental health community". Their def of "mental health" is being suicidal and hating yourself.

Ok, that was my rant. Now to not make it about me...

the way you feel about your wedding is NORMAL. It's fine to have mixed feelings. We all do. Strong emotions evoke other strong emotions. You love your husband and that reminds you that you loved your father. When my dad had a cancer scare, I cried at the financial news (he's an investor, and when I was growing up he always had the business news on.) Pretty dumb, huh? I was teaching calculus at the time, and I knew that if I solved a quadratic equation I'd burst into tears cause my dad used to make me do quadratic equations to kill time at restaraunts and in other situations where we were waiting for something. It's fine. Even people who aren't saddled with the awful labels you and I have been stuck with feel this way.

Please stop feeling bad about feeling bad.

You're falling into the trap of labeling yourself. "OOOH, my feelings must be all wrong, cause I'm depressed." There's nothing wrong with you, and you should stop questioning the validity of your feelings. You have the right to experience the world in your own way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If it's not always sunshine and rainbows, that's fine.

It's not "depression". It's just you, and its fine.

I think it's pretty normal to feel that way. I'm not married, but when my father died five years ago one of my sad thoughts was that he'd never see me get married. Don't beat yourself up about feeling bad - let yourself feel what you feel first, and worry about "dealing with it" afterwards.