I have suffered with depression for many years. I have been to councilling, taken medication, meditation and trying to talk to friends and family about it. Nothing I've tried has helped and last week just sent me over the edge when my wife of 23 years up and left without a word. She just left me a note telling me she wasn't happy anymore and that she was leaving. Much of the depression I've suffered over the years came from trying to do things to keep her happy. I found out about 2 years ago she was having an affair and still I took her back. At that time she had no place to go. I loved her and was devistated by this but I accepted her back anyway. Now I find out shes moved in with this guy and still I love her so much I cant eat, sleep or even breate. I've gotten terrble panic attacks, severe mood swings and I've even starting doing injury to myself to make me feel something other than the pain I feel on the inside. I've been trying to put on a fake front for myself telling myself I dont want/need her in my life anymore but everyday I find I cant stop thinking about her. I've considered suicide a few times since she left. Today I loaded my rifle and had it in my mouth when I heard the song "i loved her first" come on the radio. That song actually saved my life today because at that very moment I was ready to pull the trigger and it made me think about my youngest daughter that I love so much. This was the song she had asked me to play and sing for her at her wedding. I know the longer I suffer I will finally succeed in my attempts. Please does anyone have any suggestions. I have been praying for the strength to get me through this every day but I'm feeling so lost I dont know if there is anything left for me to try but any suggestions would be appriciated.
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