September 8th, 2006: The woman I married and have been in love with for 20 years told me she was never in love with me, never trusted me, and wanted me to move on and that she was ready to commit suicide on her 50th birthday. She is very sick and she knows it. I tried to support her but she pushed me away. I still love her and care about her. She is seeing a psychiatrist and a priest on a weekly basis. She reefuses to take meds other than xanax. I am taking it straight, no meds. I can't sleep, eat, I go nowhere, I cry all the time and have withdrawn from my social life almost altogether. I don't have the guts to end the pain: suicide. My friends tell me I am a stand-up guy and it will get better. I know they mean well but it dosen't help much. I had to move out of our house and into an apartment. I stayed in the area so my daughter could come see me whenever she wanted. I am so displaced here. I hate my life. I am looking over the edge but refuse to jump off. Maybe a parachute would work. Anybody else out there feel this way?
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