We all do this to a certain extent, everyone does. Be it a little white lie on a CV, an exaggeration of your abilities/frailties or just extolling virtues you don't really have or believe in. As I live with depression longer and longer I find I am living more and more of a lie. I had a meeting with my boss yesterday to talk about my performance and progress in my job, and one of the things that was brought up is the fact that I live with my dad at the moment. My boss knows we both have depression, but doesn't know that there is a lot of tension there due to things in the past on both of our behalves. I told him everything was fine and we were getting on well. We do get on, but the more time I spend here the more I seem to regress into a depressive state, full of self loathing, guilt, hatred and anger. But leave the house and get to work and it's all smiles and life is rosy.... or so they think. But I can't keep up the "fake it til I make it" thing much longer, I feel like I am going to explode. I keep wanting to lash out, be it verbally or physically, just to release some anger. I feel like I'm on the way to yet another breakdown but there's nothing I can do about it. I need my own place but to live alone will cost me nearly double my take home wage! How do I get out of the viscious circle I am in???
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