I miss my bro so so much. I have cried so much I think I am numb with tears. It is so hard for me to believe that he is gone and that I won't be able to hug him. My brother was seven years older than me but we were close. He was my protector whether I wanted him to be or not. I am just so traumatized yet. I can't get over this jumpiness. I feel like, I don't know, I can't explain it. Is this PTSD?? I keep on seeing my brother in the coffin and all I want is for him to wake up. I know he is gone but I have not yet accepted it I guess. When I held him and he took his last breath until the body bag arrived in the ICU until I put his colone on him at the funeral home, to seeing his face and holding his hand for the last time at the funeral services. This grief just keeps on replaying. I am just getting concerned and not feeling normal because I am fixating on the not so good stuff. My mind is so tired :O(
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