since as long as i can remember ive been really close to death like i would imagine a scene where i would die and it would get triggered from watching something ive seen. it subsided for a number of years but lately it came back and stronger than ever and again has died down a little. my past is a little rocky i never dealt with certain issues and that could be causing this but im not quite sure what to do i really dont want counseling i refuse to go back to that i had a bad experience there. i also get dreams really violent ones where i would kill myself. i just want to be able to move past this and deal with it but i have no idea how to, cuz i pushed it away for so long
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