my husband in october went to this month coarse in stockton ca. it was my way out from his adult children and mom who are still depend on him and had prodicted almost all of are daily life on a daily basis.we wanted to start a new. i felt i couldnt grow with them because everyone of them except my husbands mom has a drug and alchole problem.so after hes school we went to vegas i hated it. then here to redding which i luv but now we have ran out of money. we just decovered are tabs are over due on the truck.and mike wants to go home for xmas.i wish i felt the same way but i dont want to be uncomfortable with his family anymore.ive been fighting the current for 6yrs with mike and his familys ownership papers on him.if it was a normal relationship i could do it but its not.none of his kids have a ged all are addicted.all look at there dad as a friend not dad.and they all use to do drugs together.i cant tell you what i was tryig to do by marrying this man?i luv him but his life is with his family and in alot of ways i gave up my own childern to be with him.i dont know why iam so scared to let go i never luved someone like i luv mike but it wont work and i think the marrige was my last ditch effort to keep him to myselve.it didnt work.i didnt want to cut them out completly i would have luved bbqs and hoildays. but when where there, there to involved and run the house.mike has no boundries and everything goes..i cant live like that i was hoping one day i would be stable enough to see my own kids in the summers. but i cant when everyone is drunk and smoking pot and calling the shots in my own home.i knew he wouldnt beable to pick me in the long run..now i need to just let go and let him be who he is.iam not angry iam just really sad i worked so hard to make this work and its not working for me..i have to count and think of myselve this time and my wants.and a round circle doesnt fit into a sqaure peg.so back to port angeles to my own mothers.and mike of coarse and always with his..family were he belongs..i just feel like a real fool for trying to get him away from them.i learned i big lession.now the hard part of letting go and moving threw the hurt..
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