last night i talked to my ex.. she said her daughter is adjusting well and didnt know if a call or visit from me would screw things up for her... the entire time.. the whole mess... was for her daughters best interest.. i made a choice this morning.. to let go.. i have to give up for her sake.. i dont want her to grow up crying over losing her only father.. kids bounce back their life is bright and colorful.. she will forget me over time.. i told her i had to give up on her too... even though i didnt really want to .. nor do i think i will... i just cant hurt her anymore.. make her constantly worry about me .. and think about what happened.. im so stupid.. i dont want to give up.. im a complete fucking mess.. i cant wait till i see my doctor.. maybe he can rip my heart out of my chest for me
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