It's scary, is what it is! I tell myself bedtime stories to fall asleep, but they aren't quite as morbid. I'm worried about you. When you think about it, do you see what happens to those who survive you? That's usually what helps me stop thinking about it...thinking about those people whose hearts I would destroy by taking my own life, even if it feels like they don't care sometimes.

No I dont I just think about doing it infront of all th people who have fucked me over.
I wont really do it, atleast not yet.

I think such suicidal ideation is common in depression. The danger is when we start to think about acting on it. You are not thinking of it are you?

I totally understand how you feel, I think about it but have no intentions on planning it or putting it into motion. it's just the thoughts of someone who is so tired and so sad inside. Like you, I get these thought at night as well.

And to Mahadra, yes, it is scary... but sometimes it is reality for alot of us. Sometimes people may not have loved ones to even leave behind. But I understand what you mean, I know it would hurt my Grandmother horribly. Yet, sometimes when I am in so much pain, I almost feel that they are better off without me.
I hope that made sense.
xxx

Ah. Morbid indeed. There is a strange romance that goes along with death including suicide, I believe.

It makes me think of a poem that was recited by "Anne of Green Gables" about a beautiful woman who died and instead of being buried or cremated, her body was placed in a boat and she was sent off to into the sea. It's actually a very beautiful poem, while still being very morbid.

Which ALSO makes me think of Romeo and Juliet (and of course we all know that tale, right?) I believe that because romance sometimes follows along with death, combined it creates a sad but comforting sort of story for some.

No I'm not, I'd never do that o my fella or my mum. But I keep thinking about. And keep selfharming. And keep thinking about stabbing a knife through my hand just so I dont have to go to work.

I think everyone thinks of suicide at some point. Not doing it but the effect it would have.

At one time I thought about it just to get even and hurt someone. Now I think about it as a pain killer. For me, it has got so bad that I want to die because I can't take my life anymore.