well wasn't i feeling cocky, all 'i'm great, nothing to report here'. now the walls come crashing down and im left with the pieces. just wanna cry or die or something... sitting here drinking my 2nd glass of red and wondering if there's any point to it. my hubby is gone for i dont know how long this time, and the kids, aaggggghh the kids. never ending neediness (though i know i'm just what they need). i cant even gather my strength for myself, let alone my 2 little angels who need me desparately, constantly. debilitating numbness. i have to feel numb or i will feel too much of this shit and wish i could cut, or beat the shit out of something or someone just for the hell of it. why do i have to be like this? why can't i just be content, normal, happy. it's not like i don't deserve it, we all do, but i just don't know why. ohh thank God. now i'm crying at least that will help get rid of some of these crapy emotions.
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