well wasn't i feeling cocky, all 'i'm great, nothing to report here'. now the walls come crashing down and im left with the pieces. just wanna cry or die or something... sitting here drinking my 2nd glass of red and wondering if there's any point to it. my hubby is gone for i dont know how long this time, and the kids, aaggggghh the kids. never ending neediness (though i know i'm just what they need). i cant even gather my strength for myself, let alone my 2 little angels who need me desparately, constantly. debilitating numbness. i have to feel numb or i will feel too much of this shit and wish i could cut, or beat the shit out of something or someone just for the hell of it. why do i have to be like this? why can't i just be content, normal, happy. it's not like i don't deserve it, we all do, but i just don't know why. ohh thank God. now i'm crying at least that will help get rid of some of these crapy emotions.
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??