My depression is something I've recently become aware of, it's horrible. I look for happiness in other people, sex, narcotics, material things etc. I am extremely unmotivated, and I often feel numb to emotions, then when I'm alone sometimes they pour out me in fits of crying or extreme anxiety. I feel lonely and rejected by others often, i feel sad when i get off work and go home. My apt. is always a mess because I really don't respect my possessions or my home. When someone brings up something sad or shocking i often find myself feeling nothing, not caring, even making jokes in my head at the expense of others pain. I can be a real jerk sometimes, I'm not a jerk. I abuse drugs and alcohol all the time, and in doing so often end up sleeping with randoms out at bars. I feel worthless, shameful, weak, and embarrassed. I constantly want to take back my past, I want better for myself. I want and expect a lot more for myself than what I'm giving, I'm sick of taking taking taking. I am sick of this revolving door of a lifestyle that I have chosen for myself, I am sick of the pain, I am sick of losing good friends, I am sick of the friends that stick around because they suck, I am sick of having a bad reputation in my community, I AM SICK OF THIS INSANITY!!!!!!
Posts You May Be Interested In
I miss traveling with my husband. Has anyone found a specific site regarding cruising for widow/widowers or any sightseeing trips. Not interested in being with couples and kids,,,I realize a cruise ship will have a portion size of families and couples, but perhaps they also put together a part of the cruise ship for groups of widows/widowers????
A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...