Deep Thoughts

# Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.

# Just think how much deeper the ocean would be if sponges didn't live there.

# I went for a walk last night and my kids asked me how long I'd be gone. I said, 'The whole time.'

# So what's the speed of dark?

# After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?

# Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?

# If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?

# I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.

# Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

# If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?

# Isn't Disney World a people-trap operated by a mouse?

# Whose cruel idea was it for the word `lisp' to have an 's' in it?

# How come 'abbreviated' is such a long word?

# If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

# Why do you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?

# Why are they called buildings when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?

# Why are they called apartments when they're all stuck together?

# Why do banks charge you a 'non-sufficient funds' fee on money they already know that you don't have?