The Smiths were unable to conceive children and
decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On
the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his
wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now. The man should be
here soon."

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door
baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to
make a sale. "Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come
to..."

"Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in,
embarrassed, "I've been expecting you."

"Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well,
that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?"

"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please
come in and have a seat".

After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we
start?"

"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the
bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed.
And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really
spread out there."

"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work
out for Harry and me!"

"Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one
every time. But if we try several different positions and I
shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased
with the results."

"My, that's a lot!", gasped Mrs. Smith.

"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time.
I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure
you'd be disappointed with that."

"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a
portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of
a bus," he said.

"Oh, my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her
throat.

"And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when
you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."

"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.

"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the
park to get the job done right. People were crowding around
four and five deep to get a good look"

"Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide
with amazement.

"Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than
three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and
yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness
approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the
squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack
it all in."

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually
chewed on your, uh...equipment?"

"It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll
set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away."

"Tripod?"

"Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my
Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very
long."

Mrs. Smith fainted