Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
Its 11pm here. I have to be up at 6:30am tomorrow. But, I just can't find the will to go to bed. I am so tired I can barely keep my eyes open, but bed does not seem an option right now. If I lay down tomorrow will come. If tomorrow comes, I will have to go to school again. Prehaps if I stay here school will never come. Prehaps I can fail my classes and move on. In class I am fine, taking tests I am fine. But looking at the work I have to do, I fear it. I run from it.
Its 11pm and I havent done any homework today. Teacher says a proper grad student should study atleast 8 hours a day outside school. I'm lucky if I can study 8 hours a week. Lucky I have a photographic memory. I can reguritate facts that make no sense. They will never apply clinically.
Its 11pm and I am praying tomorrow never comes. Bed is my nemisis. Bed brings tomorrow. Bed brings pain. Staring numbly at the computer till all hours of the night will surely help. It will stop time. Can it rewind time? Rewind to before my niece died? Rewind to when I could still function? Rewind to a time before I decided to go to grad school so I could stop myself?
Its 11pm and I am terrified to go to sleep. Sleeping brings the school week. Sleeping brings the big class trip where I won't be able to hide these feelings anymore. No one ever seems to after school so they never see me cry. I cry after school. If I share a hotel room with them, they will see me hurt.
Its 11pm and as I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord to not let me wake
If the morn' is so bleak
I pray the Lord my pain to take
Its 11pm and I havent done any homework today. Teacher says a proper grad student should study atleast 8 hours a day outside school. I'm lucky if I can study 8 hours a week. Lucky I have a photographic memory. I can reguritate facts that make no sense. They will never apply clinically.
Its 11pm and I am praying tomorrow never comes. Bed is my nemisis. Bed brings tomorrow. Bed brings pain. Staring numbly at the computer till all hours of the night will surely help. It will stop time. Can it rewind time? Rewind to before my niece died? Rewind to when I could still function? Rewind to a time before I decided to go to grad school so I could stop myself?
Its 11pm and I am terrified to go to sleep. Sleeping brings the school week. Sleeping brings the big class trip where I won't be able to hide these feelings anymore. No one ever seems to after school so they never see me cry. I cry after school. If I share a hotel room with them, they will see me hurt.
Its 11pm and as I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord to not let me wake
If the morn' is so bleak
I pray the Lord my pain to take
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
Let me put you onto something that a dear friend (an education professor) told me just recently and then just think it over.
One of the reasons why graduate and post grad school is so difficult is because it is purposely designed to weed out the ones that can't stick it out.
Is it fair? Nope. Does it suck? Yup! Are you going to drop the ball after getting this far down the road....well, I can only hope that you find something that keeps you going....
Feeling overwhelmed is what Graduate Programs are suppose to do... I am not making this up to hurt or injure your feelings. Trust me, please, as I've been in grad school continually for 10 years and doing this dissertation thing is making me really depressed at times, but like someone told me: It's 10% inspiration and 90% persperation...or sweat... or whatever it's called...
Get to sleep. Eat some decent food. Take time to balance yourself and just get out of the "if morn' is so bleak" poetic junk. Wake-up; dust yourself off and stop dreaming about things. Get going and get real....because otherwise... you'll drift along or worse, just drop the ball.
Hope this wasn't sounding harsh...just that we all need a pep talk and I KNOW YOU'RE NOT A SLOUCH!
Just Do It!