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The Atheist Pays
There was an atheist living next door to an old woman who was a Christian.
Everyday he could hear her praying and praising God for all of the things He had done for her. One day the old woman fell on hard times and had no food in her house.
The atheist overheard her praying to God to please send her some food. So, off the atheist goes to the grocery store, thinking he was gonna fix the old gal once and for all. He bought two bags of groceries and, after placing them on her porch, he rang her bell and then hid in some nearby bushes.
When the old woman came out of her house, she saw the bags of groceries and started giving thanks to the Lord for sending her the food.
At that point, the happy atheist JUMPED from the bushes and shouted, "AH-HA! The Lord didn't send you those groceries! It was I who put them there!!!!"
Without a pause, the old woman shot back, "PRAISE YOU DEAR LORD. NOT ONLY DID YOU SEND THE GROCERIES, YOU MADE THE DEVIL PAY FOR THEM!"
(lol) I'm sorry the devil made me post this.
There was an atheist living next door to an old woman who was a Christian.
Everyday he could hear her praying and praising God for all of the things He had done for her. One day the old woman fell on hard times and had no food in her house.
The atheist overheard her praying to God to please send her some food. So, off the atheist goes to the grocery store, thinking he was gonna fix the old gal once and for all. He bought two bags of groceries and, after placing them on her porch, he rang her bell and then hid in some nearby bushes.
When the old woman came out of her house, she saw the bags of groceries and started giving thanks to the Lord for sending her the food.
At that point, the happy atheist JUMPED from the bushes and shouted, "AH-HA! The Lord didn't send you those groceries! It was I who put them there!!!!"
Without a pause, the old woman shot back, "PRAISE YOU DEAR LORD. NOT ONLY DID YOU SEND THE GROCERIES, YOU MADE THE DEVIL PAY FOR THEM!"
(lol) I'm sorry the devil made me post this.
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
LOL
I Want To Be A Bear
In my next life I want to be a bear.
If you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months.
I could deal with that.
Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid.
I could deal with that, too.
If you're a bear, you give birth to your children (who only weigh half a pound) while you're sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute cuddly cubs.
I could definitely deal with that.
If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too.
I could deal with that.
If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat. He KNOWS not to get between you and the food.
Yup... Gonna be a bear.
wait, I am already one.....
Eve's Compromise
Eve walked with the Lord and thanked Him every day for the Beautiful Garden of Eden.
One day, she asked the Creator, "Lord, why is it that creeping things, and the beasts of the field, walk two by two but I am alone?
The Lord answered, "I have only waiting for you to ask. I have the perfect mate for you. It is called a man. He will care for you. He will be the strong and silent type, and he will be the father of your children. He has some faults, but I believe your generous nature will overlook them."
Eve responded, "Oh, thank you, Lord. I have long wanted a companion like myself. A man sounds fine."
The Lord said, "Eve, there is one thing you must do if you truly wish the man as your life's companion."
"Yes, Lord, I will do whatever you wish," the woman quickly answered.
"Remember that I warned you the man has some faults....One of them is his ego. It will require something of you."
"Ego, Lord? What will a man's ego require of me?" asked Eve.
And the Lord said, "You will have to let the man think that I created him first."
A University professor at a well-known institution of higher learning challenged his students with this question. "Did God create everything that exists?" A student bravely replied "Yes he did". "God created everything?" the professor asked. "Yes sir, he certainly did." the student replied.
The professor answered, "If God created everything, then God created evil. And since evil exists, and according to the principal that our works define who we are, then we can assume God is evil."
The student became quiet and did not answer the professor's hypothetical definition. The professor, quite pleased with himself, boasted to the students that he had proven once more that the Christian faith was a myth.
Another student raised his hand and said, "May I ask you a question, professor?" "Of course", replied the professor. The student stood up and asked, "Professor, does cold exist?" "What kind of a question is this? Of course it exists. Have you never been cold?" The other students snickered at the young man's question.
The young man replied, "In fact sir, cold does not exist. According to the laws of physics, what we consider cold is in reality the absence of heat. Absolute zero (-460 F) is the total absence of heat; and all matter becomes inert and incapable of reaction at that temperature. Cold does not exist. We have created this word to describe how we feel if we have no heat.
The student continued, "Professor, does darkness exist?" The professor responded, "Of course it does."
The student replied, "Once again you are wrong sir, darkness does not exist either. Darkness is in reality the absence of light. You cannot measure darkness. A simple ray of light can break into a world of darkness and illuminate it. How can you know how dark a certain space is? You measure the amount of light present. Isn't this correct? Darkness is a term used by man to describe what happens when there is no light present."
Finally the young man asked the professor, "Sir, does evil exist?"
Now uncertain, the professor responded, "Of course, as I have already said, we see it everyday. It is in the daily examples of man's inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil."
To this the student replied, "Evil does not exist, sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat, or the darkness that comes when there is no light."
I asked God to take away my pride.
God said, No.
It is not for me to take away, but for you to give it up.
I asked God to make my handicapped child whole.
God said, No.
His spirit is whole, his body is only temporary
I asked God to grant me patience.
God said, No.
Patience is a by product of tribulations; it isn't granted, it is learned.
I asked God to give me happiness.
God said, No.
I give you blessings; Happiness is up to you.
I asked God to spare me pain.
God said, No.
Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to Me.
I asked God for all things that I might enjoy life.
God said, No.
I will give you life, so that you may enjoy all things.
I ask God to help me LOVE others, as much as He loves me.
God said...Ahhhh, finally you have the idea.
'What majestic trees'!
'What powerful rivers'!
'What beautiful animals'!
He said to himself.
As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him.
He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing in on him.
He looked over his shoulder again, & the bear was even closer. He tripped & fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw & raising his right paw to strike him.
At that instant the Atheist cried out, 'Oh my God!'
Time Stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.
As a bright light shone upon the man, and a Voice came out of the sky:
'You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident....Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer'?
The atheist looked directly into the light, and said,
'Well, God, it would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian'?
'Very well,' replied the Voice.
The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke:
'Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty. Through Christ our Lord, Amen.'