I think I've only posted on here once or twice since I joined, so I feel kind of strange. I've been doing great mentally most of the time for a couple of months, but just got really mad and down this afternoon. I found out I have cancer in the middle of August, and have actually been feeling better than I ever have in life. Also feeling very fortunate that it was caught when it was and that I got into treatment so quickly because it was Stage 4 then, and now, since the chemo started, it's 90% better already! I was on cloud nine but now all of a sudden I'm feeling really angry and depressed again. Being broke and being tired of being broke is part of it and my creep of an ex-boyfriend is the biggest part. He just uses me and is constantly causing me problems. Then I get mad at myself because I don't know why I let him. I feel sorry for him, or feel like I just can't be mean or something, I don't know, and I give him an inch and he takes a mile. He'll show up at my door unexpected on foot with no money for bus fare even and I'll let him in for one night and he just tries to take over from there no matter what I say. He's a total slob, uses up all my stuff and ends up breaking things all the time and acting like he didn't do it! He screwed up my TV today, and now it doesn't work at all and I'm still fuming over it. It's almost 4 in the morning! I've been tossing and turning all night. I'd say I feel like pulling my hair out, but most of it has already fallen out from the chemo anyway! Hope somebody out there has some words of wisdom to calm my butt down and help me put things back in perspective. I really hate it when I've been feeling so good and then it's like the bottom falls out of everything. Guess I'll try to sleep again;maybe I'll feel better when I get up! Sorry for the rant! Karen
Posts You May Be Interested In
A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...
Today is my 25th birthday, to my somewhat lack of surprise I can see already no one really seems to care. I've always been the kinda person to make sure that everyone I Care about feels appreciated and knew somebody had their back. I can count 4 times this year when I Went out of my way to make sure a "friend" felt good on their birthday, especially if they got left hanging. Its early in the...