I used to think I was bullet proof. Then, I became depressed and suicidal. It took away my self confidence, my ego, my self image. When I left the psyche ward 30 years ago, after three weeks inside, I was emotionally naked, homeless, jobless, and so raw. I lived in my van for a week until a friend let me sleep on their couch. I fought my way back, getting a menial job, and slowly found my way back to a semblance of a normal life. Over those 30 years there were many ups and downs, and all along I held on to hope, until last April, when I finally gave up hope. Now, I'm in a hole that gets deeper by the day, and I see no remedy in sight. I have no hope for a better future. The paradox of this is that I am still able to love, have compassion, and support others. I just can't seem to do that for myself.
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??