everyone thinks that 'i have it all' - 22, trainee solicitor, married, relatively good looking, wonderful husband. how then can i tell anyone how low i feel on a daily basis? how does it even make sense. i dont appear to have any daily difficulties. during my teenage years, my mother and father had a very difficult relationship, my father was an alcoholic and my mother just accepted it and let me and my sisters through it also. my father eventually died due to his alcohol misuse. we as in my mother, my sisters and i were 'blamed' for failing to support my father through his illness but i known in my mind i did everything i physically could. on one occasion i heard my mother being raped and have subsequently been told by my mother that my father had threatened to rape my sisters and i. i dont know whether to beleive that or no - my loyalties are split. i feel guilty talking about my father in this way as i feel i am betraying him somehow. i feel guilty that if its not true, he will punish me for sharing it with other people. recently my father's borther died in his sleep - the post mortem showed no medical cause. it has bought a lot of emotions that i had when i lost my dad. i feel guilty sharing my feelings with people as when i feel 'ok' i feel that i was attention seeking by trying to get some support from professionals. is this normal? and how can i ever deal with death?
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